WHAT BOKO-HARAM GO MAKE US DO

Dem say Boko Haram don poison beans after I buy half bag for house. From the one wey I cook, I give my dog, Bingo, make im first test am. 45mins later, bingo still dey waka, dey jolly. Na im I
come chop my own. After I don chop finish, my gateman run come tel me say bingo don die, hey! I run enter house, begin drink full gallon of palm oil for my belle, chop 22 bitter kola wit 3 long bitter
leaf stem, chop walnuts with the shell no time to crack, swallow moringa with aloe vera as treatment
combo. Garlic and onions be like sweet for my mouth. I come dey sweat as if na oven be my bedroom. I dey think say my life don finish. I come outside. Na im gate man com they
tell me say the driver wey kill bingo wan come beg me! 

If na u, wetin u go do the gate man???

THE STORY OF THE WOMAN WITH THREE HAIRS ON HER HEAD

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "H-M-M, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head....
"YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Reflection Questions for you to answer (By commenting).

1. List three things in your life that are currently troubling you, then pick one of them. What are 2 ways in which there might be able to positively view the situation you chose?.
   
2. The purpose of this story is to try to show us how we can maintain a positive perspective when bad things happen. If you've already answered reflection question #1, you've found how this is true in your own life as well. What is at least one other important message in this story?.
   
3. From question #1, take one of the two remaining situations that are troubling you. What are some humorous ways that somebody might be able to look at those situations to help ease a bit of the tension?

I hope you've enjoyed this story! Have a delightful day :)

P.S: share your thoughts and reflections.

TOTO AND HIS FUNNY STORIES

1. TOTO AND HIS WIFE 

Wife: Honey I'm out of pants can you give me money to buy some??
Toto: Don't bother i will get you some on my way back from work.
Wife: ok.

[ 8 hrs later,]

Toto: Honey here are the pants i got for you. There are you size.

Wife: But Honey there are the same color, People will start to think that have  I    just 1 pant. [Wife gets angry]

Toto: Who will think you have just 1 pant??? How will there get to know.

Wife: [silent].

2. SMS BETWEEN TOTO AND WIFE

Wife: Honey, this is my last sms, can you send me some airtime so i can renew my sms???

Toto: Ok Baby, off course I will.

Wife: Thank you honey, thats why i love you so much.

[After a short while]

Toto: Have you received the airtime??

Wife: No it has not yet come.

Toto:Have you checked your account.??
Wife: Yes I did but Nothing.

Toto: Ok wait I will resend it.

Wife: OK.

[After a short while]

Toto: Has it come??

Wife: Still Nothing!!

Toto: Are you sure???
Wife: Weh i just checked just now and yet still nothing!!
Toto: And you said it was your last SMS?? I was lying, i dint send anything.

3. TOTO AND HIS BANK

Toto had a dream in which he was rubbed and killed just after when he cashed some money from his bank. Early the next morning, he rushed to the bank and empty closed his account after he had withdrawn all his money. His friend asked him why he did that and Toto replied The motto of that bank is <<WE MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE>>

10 STUPID QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK

1.  You see identical twins, yet you still ask " are those identical twins??" -- Answer "No Na film you di watch. You Blind??".
   
2. SONEL/ENEO brings back light after a long while and everyone in the quarter starts screaming 'Wehhhhhhh light don came!!' and yet one stupid guy still ask "O boy na light dat so??" -- Answer "No na fire di burn the whole quarter. You Yam".
   
3. You see someone vomiting and yet you ask "You are not feeling fine??" -- Answer "Yes I'm feeling fine, I'm just learning how to vomit. Idiot".
   
4. You  just wake up from sleep and your brother/sister/others after noticing that you were sleeping still ask "You don wakeup???" Answer "No i came buy bread weh a go chop for dream. Tshuiiiiip".
   
5. You see a woman who just put to birth a new born baby and yet you still ask "ehhh Madam you don Born???" -- Answer "No A winnam for pari foot. You carry witch come??".
   
6. You see you mum early in the morning and you greet her good morning but she still ask "My son you don wakeup???" --  Answer "No mum, I'm just sleep walking, You to ohhhh".
   
7. My friend ask me "A sah ehh boy you deh which conner??" A tell yi say " a deh Money Gram down molyko" and yet as stupid as he is he asked me "you di do weti for deh???" --- Answer "A came harvest Yam. Non sense."
   
8. Your neighbor sees you opening the gate to go out and yet ask you "You do comot???" -- Answer "NO a be the new gate man *LMAO*" .
   
9. I'm watching my movie and my friend still comes in and ask "Boy you di watch film???" --- Answer "No a di Skype with  Vin Diesel".
   
10. You are eating plantains and beans and you friend comes in and ask "Boy na beans that so???" -- Answer "No na shit for goat. Na who di sep???".

The Cycle of Evil

There was once a king who was so cruel and unjust that his subjects yearned for his death or dethronement. However, one day he surprised them all by announcing that he had decided to turn over a new leaf.

“No more cruelty, no more injustice,” he promised, and he was as good as his word. He became known as the ‘Gentle Monarch’. Months after his transformation one of his ministers plucked up enough courage to ask him what had brought about his change of heart.

And the king answered, “As I was galloping through my forests I caught sight of a fox being chased by a hound. The fox escaped into his hole but not before the hound had bitten into its leg and lamed it for life. Later I rode into a village and saw the same hound there. It was barking at a man. Even as I watched, the man picked up a huge stone and flung it at the dog, breaking its leg. The man had not gone far when he was kicked by a horse. His knee was shattered and he fell to the ground, disabled for life. The horse began to run but it fell into a hole and broke its leg. Reflecting on all that had happened, I thought: ‘Evil begets evil. If I continue in my evil ways, I will surely be overtaken by evil’. So I decided to change”.

The minister went away convinced that the time was ripe to overthrow the king and seize the throne. Immersed in thought, he did not see the steps in front of him and fell, breaking his neck.

Moral: Cycle of Deeds always gives us back what we give to others. If we do good to others, our good will happen, If we do bad to others, our turn will also come.

The Couples Bed Code(Just for fun). :-)

• Article 1: The bed being a sacred place, a woman must never turn your back on her man when there are both in bed.
• Article 2: In bed, the woman shall never throw the arm, nor the feet of her man if the arm or feet of the later happens to come in contact with her.
• Article 3: If the woman is angry during the day, Article 1 shall apply at night .
• Article 4: The woman shall not ware any night ware before sleep(It is not necessary) : if she wares any, then she cannot ware any pants nor bra(She must reduce the number of steps needed to get to Jerusalem).
• Article 5: If the man is sleeping too much at night, the woman must cough hard enough to wake him up: if he does not wake up, then she has the obligation to him under his pants until it hurts enough for him to wake up and perform his duty: If the man does not get up after 3 hits, then Article 4 MAY apply.
• Article  6: When the woman is tired due to excessive work during the day, then the man must do her a massage in bed with love, softness, gentleness, dexterity and tenderness and this activity must end by an absolute moment of silence. If the man does not comply, then Article 1 shall not apply.
• Article 7: While in bed, the couples must resolve all their problems and divergences with love and respect before sunrise: If one night is not enough, them Article 1 shall not apply, Article 2 shall not apply, Article 3 shall not apply, but Article 4 shall apply for that night, until the all problems are solved in a peaceful and pacific manner(NO Third party maybe involved).
• Article 8: At 4H35Min in the morning, each person must wake up and do his or her usual chores: failure to do so will result to a fine the next night(Article 2 shall not apply).
• Article 9: The bed is referred as the "THE GARDEN OF EDEN" where each party must perform his or her responsibility at least 7 times a week(Meaning at least once a day).
• Article 10: If the kickoff is difficult, then the woman must use tools(like hands maybe) and ingenious techniques to favor a good and peaceful  atmosphere necessary for harmony.
• Article 11: All the above mentioned ARTICLES are applicable to all type of couples, married or unmarried without any age distinction. Parties whose rights are been may bring forth the case in front of the high judge(Me) for judgement.

TEN DIFFERENCES BETWEEN CHRISTIANO RONALDO AND LIONEL MESSI

1. When RONALDO scores he points at himself. When MESSI scores he points up.
2. RONALDO will use 5 tricks to beat 1 player. MESSI will use 1 trick to beat 5 players.
3. RONALDO is compared to MESSI.. While MESSI is compared to Pele and Maradona.
4.  RONALDO shoots where MESSI would have passed to better a positioned player.
5. RONALDO is hungry for individual success, MESSI plays for the success of the team as a whole.
6. Girls like RONALDO for his Good Looks, Girls like MESSI for his Good Game.
7. RONALDO scores goals, MESSI Breaks Records.
8. RONALDO plays because he loves fame, MESSI plays because he loves the game.
9. RONALDO will make your DAY! MESSI will make your HISTORY!
10. RONALDO is Good, but MESSI is the best.

Life is Like A Cup of Coffee

                    

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups – porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: “If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups… And then you began eyeing each other’s cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee. Savor the coffee, not the cups! The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.and Never Forget that "LIVE IS LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE".

Some Stupid Things People Sometimes Do

Some Stupid things people sometimes do

1. You got a babe's number and you use "chick" to store her name in your phone, is her mum a fowl?? -- Nonsense!!
2. You bought roasted fish for your woman, she ate everything and you ate just the onions and licked the pepper, are you a veterinarian?? -- You Goat!!
3. You ask a girl what she wants, she said money and you're angry. Where you expecting her to say wisdom and understanding?? -- You no normal!!!
4. You are with your guy on  date, and yet you're
   always on the phone discussing, are you and MTN customer care agent?? -- Na weti sef!!!!
5. You take you're girl friend to the club everyday, then you get married to her and you want her to stop going to the club. Where you expecting a miracle?? -- Hah!!!
6. Your girl friend dumps you for a rich man and you call her gold digger, but your sister did the same to another guy and you give a testimony in church "Na God di won ohhh!!!". Are you normal?? -- Make thunder no fire you, ewu!!!
7. You meet a girl on the street and you want to date her. You take her to the top flour of Eco-Bank in Molyko where an ice-cream cost 5000frs for about a week. Then later you want to take her to Bonga Juice where an Ice cream cost just 500frs, when runs, because your broke u get angry. Tu pense que tu est venir a molyko pour fait le beau?? -- Kala Kala!!!
8. You are dating a Student, and yet you keep asking him for money:"Baby i want to do my hair, Baby i want to buy perfume, Baby my father had an accident, Baby . . . Is his father Dangote??? -- Wonders

Some Crazy Questions People Sometimes Ask

**Some crazy questions people sometimes ask**

1. Someone calls you at 2A.M (past Mid-night) and ask you "Are you Sleeping??"
   
   Answer: No I'm picking beans to cook corn shafts . . . Nonsense!
   
2. Its raining and someone notices you going out, yet ask "You are going out in  this rain??"
   
   Answer:  No in the next one . . .Rubbish!
   
3. You're Making out with a girl, you finish touching her breast and now going down to touch her pants she ask "What are you trying to do . . .??
   
   Answer: Sorry baby, i want to wash them for you . . .  Idiot!
   
4. They are seeing you coming out of the bathroom, wet and yet they ask you "Did you just have a bath??
   
   Answer: No I well into the toilet bowl! . . .Na yi wet me!
   
5. You are standing right in front of an elevator on the ground floor going to your office, and yet they ask "going up?"
   
   Answer: No I'm waiting for my office to come down and get me . . . Bad luck man!


6.  Your boyfriend comes home with a bunch of flowers and you still ask him "Are those flowers??"
   
   Answer: No baby, there are carrots . . . Dull thing!!


7. You are in the toilet and you lock the door, someone knocks the door asking "Is anyone there??"
   
   Answer: No na the shit come lock the door . . . You fool!
   
8. You are in a queue at the cinema to buy tickets, yet a friend sees you and ask "What are you doing here??"
   
   Answer: I'm here to pay my school fees . . . Ewu!
   
9. People see you lying down with your eyes close, and yet they still ask "Are you sleeping?"
   
   Answer: No I'm learning how to die . . . You Juju!
   
10. You are watching a movie and someone asks you " You di watch film?"
    
    Answer: No a di practice witchcraft . . . you yam!
    
11. There see you coming home in the afternoon(Normal school closing time) in uniforms and yet they still ask you "You coming back from school?"
    
    Answer: No I'm coming back from the market . . . Na weti sef!
    

Story of the Child and His Mother

Story of the Child and His Mother

A curios child asked His mother "Mummy, why are some of you hairs turning grey?"

The mother tried to use this occassion to teach her child. She said, "It is because of you dear. Every bad action of you will turn one of my hairs grey!"

The child replied innocently: "Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head".

Question : Why did the grandmother had only grey hair on her head??? 
:-)