1. Virginity is like a Balloon , One prick and it's gone for ever!
2. Sex is like a pack of Chips, Once you start! You can't stop 😝!
3. An Exam paper is like a Dick, When it's hard! People get fucked!
4. Education is like hiring a prostitute, It needs both your money and your hardwork 😓...!
5. Success is like masturbating, Only your own hand can let you achieve it!
6. Life without Friends is like Boobs Without Nipples. IT'S POINTLESS !
7. Fuck a woman and she Loves you. Love a woman when she Fucks you.😳😳
8. English O/L Final Exam question paper: Fill in the blanks. If a woman faints, we
must first check her pu_s_. Only few students who wrote: 'Pulse'
passed.😜😜
9. The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls. They are sentenced to Hang Till Death!😝😝
10. Boy: How much Calcium is there in women's BREASTS? Girl: It Enough to help a Man's Boneless Thing stand up😜😜
11. Give an example of Total Business Failure due to Negligence. A Pregnant Prostitute😰😰
12. If Necessity is the Mother of Invention, Then Frustration is the Father of Masturbation! 😉😉
13. If your Boss says: Nothing is Impossible ask him to wear condom after sex!💄😱
So basically life is 👙S$XOLOGY👙
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
Monday, April 25, 2016
Sunday, April 24, 2016
QUESTION AND ANSWER TIME
Q – Why Are Condoms Transparent?
A – So That Sperms Can At Least Enjoy The Scene Even If Their Entry Is Restricted!
Q – What Is The New Aids Awareness Slogan?
A – Try Different Positions With The Same Woman Instead Of Same Position With Different Women.
Q – What Will Happen If Earth Rotates 30 Times Faster?
A – Men Will Get Their Salary Everyday And Women Will Bleed To Death.
Q – Why Do 90% Girls Have Left Boob Bigger Than Right?
A – Because 90% Boys Are Right Handed.
Q – What Is The Difference Between A Panty & A Stage Curtain?
A – When You Pull Down The Stage Curtain, The Show Is Over, But When You Pull Down The Panty.. It Is Showtime!
Q – What Does A Signboard Out Side A Prostitute’s House Say?
A – Married Men Not Allowed Here. Because We Serve The Needy, Not The Greedy.
Q – What Is The Similarity Between A Wife And A Chewing Gum?
A – Both Are Sweet In The Beginning But Become Tasteless And Shapeless Later.
Q – Why Is Sex Like Shaving?
A – Well, Because No Matter How Well You Do It Today. Tomorrow You’ll Have To Do It Again.
Q - Why Can’t Anybody Satisfy A Woman Completely?
A - Because Nobody Has A Dick Made Of Gold, Decorated With Diamonds And Ejaculates Cash
Q - Why Did Newton Commit Suicide?
A - Because He Saw A Complete Naked Girl, And Observed Something Going Up In His Pant, Against His Own Laws Of Motion
Q - Why Do Men Wear Underwear?
A - As Per Military Rules, All Types Of Weapons Should Be Kept Covered During Peace Time
Q - Why Are Vegetarian Women Silent During Sex?
A - They Are In State Of Shock That A Piece Of Meat Can Give So Much Pleasure
Q - Why Do Women Wear Panty?
A - Because State Law Says All Main-Holes Must Be Covered When Not In Use.
A – So That Sperms Can At Least Enjoy The Scene Even If Their Entry Is Restricted!
Q – What Is The New Aids Awareness Slogan?
A – Try Different Positions With The Same Woman Instead Of Same Position With Different Women.
Q – What Will Happen If Earth Rotates 30 Times Faster?
A – Men Will Get Their Salary Everyday And Women Will Bleed To Death.
Q – Why Do 90% Girls Have Left Boob Bigger Than Right?
A – Because 90% Boys Are Right Handed.
Q – What Is The Difference Between A Panty & A Stage Curtain?
A – When You Pull Down The Stage Curtain, The Show Is Over, But When You Pull Down The Panty.. It Is Showtime!
Q – What Does A Signboard Out Side A Prostitute’s House Say?
A – Married Men Not Allowed Here. Because We Serve The Needy, Not The Greedy.
Q – What Is The Similarity Between A Wife And A Chewing Gum?
A – Both Are Sweet In The Beginning But Become Tasteless And Shapeless Later.
Q – Why Is Sex Like Shaving?
A – Well, Because No Matter How Well You Do It Today. Tomorrow You’ll Have To Do It Again.
Q - Why Can’t Anybody Satisfy A Woman Completely?
A - Because Nobody Has A Dick Made Of Gold, Decorated With Diamonds And Ejaculates Cash
Q - Why Did Newton Commit Suicide?
A - Because He Saw A Complete Naked Girl, And Observed Something Going Up In His Pant, Against His Own Laws Of Motion
Q - Why Do Men Wear Underwear?
A - As Per Military Rules, All Types Of Weapons Should Be Kept Covered During Peace Time
Q - Why Are Vegetarian Women Silent During Sex?
A - They Are In State Of Shock That A Piece Of Meat Can Give So Much Pleasure
Q - Why Do Women Wear Panty?
A - Because State Law Says All Main-Holes Must Be Covered When Not In Use.
Thursday, February 18, 2016
TYPES OF STUDENTS IN AN EXAMINATION HALL
1. THE GURUs
The first on the list is the gurus, who are the gurus? these are the type of students that starts writing immediately they are given the Question paper and answer sheet. They don't stop until the Invigilator ask everybody to submit. Everyone knows them in their Department and regard them as one of the brilliant person in class or the most brilliant but most of them always end up with bad grades. (Only God knows why).
2. THE MIRACLE SEEKERs
Who are the Miracle seekers in an examination hall? these are the Students that did not read at all but still walk into the examination hall with an assurance that answers will fall from heaven. Most of this type of Students will not enter the examination with cheat sheets but will still write far more than the person they are asking from or sitting with. (I Salute una Faith ohhh).
3. THE PADDY MAN CATEGORY
This set of students depend fully on their friends and even enemies in the same hall with them. Immediately the sitting arrangement is out, you will see them going from desk to desk asking other students where they fall. Immediately they get to hear that the most brilliant student falls in their hall, they limp for joy and of course they book the space behind the student. (Chai, Una go good for Ultimate Search).
4. THE THIEVES
A lecturer once describe this category of student as the smartest and among students this is because they manage to get their cheat sheets to their desk no matter how strict the invigilators are.
Search them from now till next year, you can never find anything on them yet, there are loads of cheat sheets with them. (GIRLS ARE USUALLY THE BEST IN THIS CATEGORY )
5. THE GIRAFFES
The list can never be complete without this category of students. From the start of the examination till everyone submit their booklets, Mr and Mrs Giraffe neck will stretch from one corner of the room to another. No matter how the invigilator catches him/her he/she will still stretch their neck
(I Hail o).
6. THE COMPLETELY EMPTY VESSELS
"Please spell APPLICATION for me" No, I'm not the one asking, it is a student in his/her final year asking you to spell Application for him during a ENGLISH 101 examination. (Bros, better go do mechanic ohh!).
7. THE PHOTOCOPY MACHINE
This set of students can copy anything as long as it is on your answer booklet. They will copy everything including your name, surname and matriculation number.
(Blood of Jesus!).
8. THOSE THAT CAME TO SIT FOR OTHERS
Do i really need to write much about this category? They are in the hall to write the examination for a friend who is sick or the person who paid them to sit for them. (Ask UB pickin them)
9. THE MIND YOUR BUSINESS CATEGORY
Yes, this category of student are the Mummy G.O's and Daddy G.O's who will mind their business throughout the examination. Call them from today till next week they will not look at you talkless of answering you. (This is the worst set of people.)
10. THE PEN EATERS
All they do is chew the cover of BIC or start eating paper all through the examination period. (Na hungry di do them abi na other thing.?)
The first on the list is the gurus, who are the gurus? these are the type of students that starts writing immediately they are given the Question paper and answer sheet. They don't stop until the Invigilator ask everybody to submit. Everyone knows them in their Department and regard them as one of the brilliant person in class or the most brilliant but most of them always end up with bad grades. (Only God knows why).
2. THE MIRACLE SEEKERs
Who are the Miracle seekers in an examination hall? these are the Students that did not read at all but still walk into the examination hall with an assurance that answers will fall from heaven. Most of this type of Students will not enter the examination with cheat sheets but will still write far more than the person they are asking from or sitting with. (I Salute una Faith ohhh).
3. THE PADDY MAN CATEGORY
This set of students depend fully on their friends and even enemies in the same hall with them. Immediately the sitting arrangement is out, you will see them going from desk to desk asking other students where they fall. Immediately they get to hear that the most brilliant student falls in their hall, they limp for joy and of course they book the space behind the student. (Chai, Una go good for Ultimate Search).
4. THE THIEVES
A lecturer once describe this category of student as the smartest and among students this is because they manage to get their cheat sheets to their desk no matter how strict the invigilators are.
Search them from now till next year, you can never find anything on them yet, there are loads of cheat sheets with them. (GIRLS ARE USUALLY THE BEST IN THIS CATEGORY )
5. THE GIRAFFES
The list can never be complete without this category of students. From the start of the examination till everyone submit their booklets, Mr and Mrs Giraffe neck will stretch from one corner of the room to another. No matter how the invigilator catches him/her he/she will still stretch their neck
(I Hail o).
6. THE COMPLETELY EMPTY VESSELS
"Please spell APPLICATION for me" No, I'm not the one asking, it is a student in his/her final year asking you to spell Application for him during a ENGLISH 101 examination. (Bros, better go do mechanic ohh!).
7. THE PHOTOCOPY MACHINE
This set of students can copy anything as long as it is on your answer booklet. They will copy everything including your name, surname and matriculation number.
(Blood of Jesus!).
8. THOSE THAT CAME TO SIT FOR OTHERS
Do i really need to write much about this category? They are in the hall to write the examination for a friend who is sick or the person who paid them to sit for them. (Ask UB pickin them)
9. THE MIND YOUR BUSINESS CATEGORY
Yes, this category of student are the Mummy G.O's and Daddy G.O's who will mind their business throughout the examination. Call them from today till next week they will not look at you talkless of answering you. (This is the worst set of people.)
10. THE PEN EATERS
All they do is chew the cover of BIC or start eating paper all through the examination period. (Na hungry di do them abi na other thing.?)
Confession Time
Which One do you Belong?
Which One do you Belong?
Sunday, February 7, 2016
THE MAN AT THE MONASTERY
A man is driving down the road 🚗and breaks down near a monastery⛪.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down.
Do you think I could stay the night?
the monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner🍚🍲, even fix his car🔧🚗.
As the man tries to fall asleep💤, he hears a strange sound💬.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say,
We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed😞 but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way🚗.
Some years later,
The same man breaks down in front of the same monastery⛪.
The monks again accept him, feed him🍚🍲, even fix his car🔧🚗.
That night, he hears the same strange noise 💬that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning🌞, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you😶. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.😖
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, You must travel the earth 🌍and tell us how many blades of grass 🌾there are and the exact number of sand pebbles🔎 When you find these numbers,
you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task.
Some 4⃣5⃣ years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery⛪.
He says,
I have traveled the earth🌍 and have found what you have asked for. There are
145,236,284,232 blades of grass🌾 and
231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth🌏.
The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk😇.
We shall now show you the way to the sound📡.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door🚪 where the head monk says,
The sound is right behind that door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, Real funny. May I have the key🔑?
The monks give him the key🔑, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone🚪.
The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key🔑, and he opens it, only to find a door 🚪made of ruby.
He demands another key 🔑from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door🚪, this one made of sapphire,
So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,
silver,
topaz,
and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the last key🔑 to the last door.
The man is relieved to know end🏁.
He unlocks the door🔓,
turns the knob,
and behind that door he is amazed 😳to find the source of that strange sound📡
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
☝😐😶But he can't tell you what it is because you're not
a monk
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Don't be angry at me .. I am
Also looking for the guy who sent me this...
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down.
Do you think I could stay the night?
the monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner🍚🍲, even fix his car🔧🚗.
As the man tries to fall asleep💤, he hears a strange sound💬.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say,
We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed😞 but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way🚗.
Some years later,
The same man breaks down in front of the same monastery⛪.
The monks again accept him, feed him🍚🍲, even fix his car🔧🚗.
That night, he hears the same strange noise 💬that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning🌞, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you😶. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.😖
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, You must travel the earth 🌍and tell us how many blades of grass 🌾there are and the exact number of sand pebbles🔎 When you find these numbers,
you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task.
Some 4⃣5⃣ years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery⛪.
He says,
I have traveled the earth🌍 and have found what you have asked for. There are
145,236,284,232 blades of grass🌾 and
231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth🌏.
The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk😇.
We shall now show you the way to the sound📡.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door🚪 where the head monk says,
The sound is right behind that door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, Real funny. May I have the key🔑?
The monks give him the key🔑, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone🚪.
The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key🔑, and he opens it, only to find a door 🚪made of ruby.
He demands another key 🔑from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door🚪, this one made of sapphire,
So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,
silver,
topaz,
and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the last key🔑 to the last door.
The man is relieved to know end🏁.
He unlocks the door🔓,
turns the knob,
and behind that door he is amazed 😳to find the source of that strange sound📡
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
☝😐😶But he can't tell you what it is because you're not
a monk
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Don't be angry at me .. I am
Also looking for the guy who sent me this...
Thursday, January 14, 2016
WE TWO, JESUS AND I
I cannot do it alone, the waves run fast and high, and the fogs close chill around and the lights go out in the sky. But i know we two shall win in the end.
Jesus and I
I could not stir it my self, my barque on the roaring sea. What of that, another sits in my barque and pulls or stir with me, and I know that we shall come into port.
His child and He
Coward, wayward and week. I change with the changing sky. One day eager and brave, the next not caring to try. But He never gives in. And we two shall win.
Jesus and I.
Strong and tender and true, crucified once for me. I knew that Jesus never will change. What ever I do or be, we shall finish out course and get home at last.
His child and He.
Amen.
Author: Unknown.
Jesus and I
I could not stir it my self, my barque on the roaring sea. What of that, another sits in my barque and pulls or stir with me, and I know that we shall come into port.
His child and He
Coward, wayward and week. I change with the changing sky. One day eager and brave, the next not caring to try. But He never gives in. And we two shall win.
Jesus and I.
Strong and tender and true, crucified once for me. I knew that Jesus never will change. What ever I do or be, we shall finish out course and get home at last.
His child and He.
Amen.
Author: Unknown.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
HOW DO YOU FARE?
How do u fare when others prove you with hard questions? Do u flinch or balk or divert pressure by change subject?
There's : a well, do you dig it?
A mountain to climb,do you climb it?
Love in your heart,do you show it?
A chance everyday,do you blow it?
A life full of you,do you live it?
A coin in your pocket,do u give it?
A calling on your life,do you hear it?
A way to change the world,do you see it?
A word to be spoken,will you speak it?
A faith from above,will you keep it? ... glory up in heaven,will you make it?
Door that's opened wide,will you enter,will you cross the finishing line as a winner?
I ask myself these daily...
Happy New Year!
Benaiah
There's : a well, do you dig it?
A mountain to climb,do you climb it?
Love in your heart,do you show it?
A chance everyday,do you blow it?
A life full of you,do you live it?
A coin in your pocket,do u give it?
A calling on your life,do you hear it?
A way to change the world,do you see it?
A word to be spoken,will you speak it?
A faith from above,will you keep it? ... glory up in heaven,will you make it?
Door that's opened wide,will you enter,will you cross the finishing line as a winner?
I ask myself these daily...
Happy New Year!
Benaiah
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
WHAT A HUSBAND TOLD HIS WIFE ON THEIR WEDDING NIGHT
My wife,
everyone has gone home. The music is quiet, the celebration is over. Our
wedding was beautiful but it is now in the past. We have finished the
wedding Ceremony, it is now time to build our marriage. All that is left
now is the two of us… What we will become tomorrow, starts from
tonight. Our life is no longer the same.
.
There was a day you put on one red dress… You looked so beautiful in it. That Day I wanted to just touch you! We were in the Cinema and I was so tempted. I wanted to just take you outside and kiss you but I couldn’t. Guess what? Now I have you forever, I can do that everyday. Before I take off your cloth and make love to you…
.
Let me tell you few things. I have nothing to hide from you from this day. My phone, you can use it like your own. You can access my facebook, my twitter and my Instagram From today, I have become a child.
.
For the past five years of my life, I have been a man. I wake myself up in the morning, sometimes I go to bed hungry, I do things the way I want to. I come home whenever I want to but all that ends today. From today you become my mother, who will scold me when I come home late, a mother who will wake me up at six to go work, a mother who will ensure I don’t sleep hungry. I am glad I have a mother in you. I hope you will be a good mother? Don’t be too harsh and I promise I won’t be too stubborn.
.
Sometimes I will give you headache but I promise, I will also be the cure of every headache. When my parents died, I looked after my brothers and sisters. I was like a father to them. So i will not have Any problem being a father to you!
.
There was a day you put on one red dress… You looked so beautiful in it. That Day I wanted to just touch you! We were in the Cinema and I was so tempted. I wanted to just take you outside and kiss you but I couldn’t. Guess what? Now I have you forever, I can do that everyday. Before I take off your cloth and make love to you…
.
Let me tell you few things. I have nothing to hide from you from this day. My phone, you can use it like your own. You can access my facebook, my twitter and my Instagram From today, I have become a child.
.
For the past five years of my life, I have been a man. I wake myself up in the morning, sometimes I go to bed hungry, I do things the way I want to. I come home whenever I want to but all that ends today. From today you become my mother, who will scold me when I come home late, a mother who will wake me up at six to go work, a mother who will ensure I don’t sleep hungry. I am glad I have a mother in you. I hope you will be a good mother? Don’t be too harsh and I promise I won’t be too stubborn.
.
Sometimes I will give you headache but I promise, I will also be the cure of every headache. When my parents died, I looked after my brothers and sisters. I was like a father to them. So i will not have Any problem being a father to you!
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