LADIES BEWARE

1. Success is not sexually transmitted, so stop sleeping with successful men, thinking that you will be successful. It doesn't work that way. So stop and work hard.
2. Please do not wear the same weave for nine months, its not pregnancy, for goodness sake.
3. Half naked girls are hot, yeah definitely, but well dressed girls are beautiful, just like hell is hot and heaven is beautiful. Just saying ohh.
4. Stop saying you cannot date a man who lives with his mother yet your dating a man who lives with his wife. It doesn't make sense really!!!
5. Do not look at what a guy drives but what drives him. Definitely what drives him is better that what he drives right?. Yeah that's true.
6. Before You call a guy ugly, remember 95% of Your beauty can be removed by just a towel. Inbox me and I will explain what i meant if you don't understand. LOL
7. When you were in campus you refused to date guys in campus and dated married men, when you get married you brag you can't share a man, relax ma sister I believe in payback time. "Chaqun a son tour chez le coiffeur" -- L.M MOPAO.
8. Lastly my advice for you is learn to call and consult God first in every situation in life and not your neighbor.

Like, comment, share and follow my blog for more. :-)

CAMEROONIAN GIRLS WITH THEIR ATTITUDES WHEN YOU DUMP THEM

1. When you dump a  girl from Mankon, she will create a scene out of it and disgrace you in 
2.  public and in broad day light.
3. When you dump a girl from Bassa, she will beat you up and make you love her again by force. Like her or not is none of her business.
4. When you dump an Oku girl, she will take your name to all the native doctors of her land and ask them to frustrate you.
5. When you dump a girl from Mbengwi, she will cry from January to December with your picture in her hands.
6. When you dump a girl from Nkwen she won't even notice because you were probably the 30th.
7. When you dump a girl from Bali, she will not bother, she will just go round and sleep with all your friends.
8. When you dump a girl from Batibo, she will turn her bedroom into a beer palor and drink all kinds of beer until she gets high.
9. When you dump a girl from Nkambe, in two weeks time she will invite you to her wedding.
10. When you dump a girl from Bakossi, forget she seduces you father and become your step mother.
11. When you dump a girl from Yaounde, she will report you to her dad who is surely in the army and you will marry her with a gun pointed on your head.
12. When you dump a girl from Mamfe, she will burn all your properties and later ask for forgiveness.
13. When you dump a girl from Banso,you will see her the next morning in front of your house with her elder brothers, who are surely loaded.
14. When you dump a Bakweri girl will be of no use because, she had already dump you since.
15. When you dump an Ewondo girl, she comes the next day and tell you she is Pregnant.

THE PROBLEM IS!!!

1. Kissing your man is not a problem. The problem is how you do it. Stop making Sounds like a car crash. Really it sucks.
   
2. Screaming during Sex is romantic and its not a problem. The problem is Shouting words like ; " JESUS, OOH MY GOD, HOLY MARY" You are having Sex, Not a Church Service. And besides I don't know if you are reminding God to Punish you Later or something.
   
3. Wearing short skimpy skirts is not a problem, in fact its very Sexy. The problem is wearing your Mini and looking all nice but when you see Guys,you try to Pull it down now forcing it to be long. Don't you see that you are deceiving yourself?.
   
4. Loving your man is not a problem. The problem is Changing your Surname on Facebook and putting his surname before your name where as he has not even Introduced you to his mother. Just Chill, I would hate to read your Post Later saying " MEN ARE WICKED AND CHEATS".
   
5. Saying all Men are the Same is not a problem. In fact, maybe its true but Who asked you to try them ALL?.
   
6. Bleaching your skin is not a problem. The problem is having White Face, Yellow hands, Chocolate Lips, Black Legs. Hey, Are you a rainbow?
   
7. Wearing your trousers down like the prisoners of Guantanamo is not a problem. The problem is walking as though you wear carrying a piece of crap in your pants.
   
8. Stealing during an examination is not a problem, the problem is telling your kids that you were great at school and yet not able to write a simple hello world program.
   
9. Wearing Brazilian hair is not a problem, the problem is the fact that you are being caught stealing one in your neighbor's room.
   
10. Liking this is not a problem, the problem is not sharing the fun with your friends.

Interview btwn a Kenyan immigrant & d consular at d Embassy.....Interview Starts...

OFFICER:- what is your name?
MUZO:- M.P sir

OFFICER:- In full please
MUZO:- Muzo Phiri
OFFICER:- your father's name?
MUZO:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- what does that mean?
MUZO:- Melvin Phiri
OFFICER:- your native place?
MUZO: M.P sir
OFFICER:- what's that?
MUZO:- Muchinga Province
OFFICER:- what is your qualification?
MUZO:- M.P
OFFICER:- (angry) what is thaat?!!!
MUZO:- Mathematics Professor
OFFICER:- so why do you need a job?
MUZO:- it is because of M.P sir
OFFICER: meaning?
MUZO:- Money Problems
OFFICER:- would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?
MUZO: M. P sir.
OFFICER: and what is that?
MUZO:- Marvelous Personality
OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.
MUZO:- sir, how was M. P sir?
OFFICER:- and what's that again?
MUZO:- My Performance.
OFFICER:- I think u already have M. P
MUZO:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g?
OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!
Don't laugh alone. Send it to those u desire to put smile on their faces. God bless.
I have sent this to u because u are M.P. (My Padi).

WELCOME TO MY COUNTRY CAMEROON

1. Its only in Cameroon where Jesus sends you a whats-app message and threatens you if you don't forward it to others.
2. Its only in Cameroon where pastors and preachers are more funnier than comedians!
3. Its only in Cameroon where one person will occupy 5 offices while others have none.
4. Its only in Cameroon where tax paid on outdated cars is less than those on fashion cars.
5. Its only in Cameroon where a man's wife calls him by the amount he gives her.
6. Its only in Cameroon where people after withdrawing money from the Bank's ATM MACHINE, stand there to count the money again.
7. Its only in Cameroon where every boy protects his sister from his friends but wants to have someone's sister.
8. Its only in Cameroon where ladies wear classy heels with slipper in their bags as rescue.
9. Its only in Cameroon where a blind has a driving license to drive Caterpillar "A".
10. Its only in Cameroon where cassava farmers double the price of Garri and say..."the economy is hard oo"
11. Its only in Cameroon where you fine out that there are more taxis than private vehicles.
12. Its only in Cameroon where blind people can identify counterfeits.
13. Its only in Cameroon where the youths will complain of poverty and unemployment but still stay up late at night in bars and snacks drinking out their senses.
14. Its only in Cameroon where you see fathers of 80 years trying to build "house for the old" for people of 50.
15. Its only in Cameroon where you fine a civil servant occupying a post in the government for more than 50 years.
16. Its only in Cameroon where the youths will complain of the government but will not want to vote when the time comes.
17. Its only in Cameroon where the female football team does better than the male football team.
18.  Its only in Cameroon where a policeman will see a goat and call it cat with all conviction.
19. Its only in Cameroon where the youths want high paid jobs but are not ready to work 12 hrs a day.
20. Its only in Cameroon where people will say i criticize a lot after reading this post. But I'm just saying.

WHAT SHALL IT PROFIT -- BY FEMENCHA AZOMBO FABRICE

1. What shall it  profit a lady to put on the dearest Brazilian hair and yet still look ugly?
2. What shall it profit a man to have enough money yet still have no girl friend?
3. What shall it profit a boy/girl to break a girl/boy's heart?
4. What shall it profit a girl apply makeups and yet no man looks at her on the streets?
5. What shall it profit a girl to have all the Brazilian hair in the world and still loose her boy friend to a girl with low hair cut?
6. What shall it profit a man to gain the whole world and loose his/soul?

PROMISE YOURSELF

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry,too noble for anger, too strong for fear,and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

TEN MOST ANNOYING MOMENTS IN LIFE

1. That moment you when you are so hungry that you take out your last 100 FCFA on you to purchase and the woman selling notices that write ups had fade out and refuses to give you food.
   
2. That moment you are well dressed in white suit and your friend comes and tap you on your shoulder after eating eru
   
3. That moment you spend 3.5 million FCFA to organize your wedding and while on the dance floor with your newly wedded wife, people keep spraying 500 FCFA notes.
   
4. That moment you meet a new chick on the road and on trying to give you her number, you notice that you have low battery.
   
5. That moment you are out on  date, ready to conclude that night, and after eating enough suya she tells you she is on her period.
   
6. That moment when arm robbers burst into your home and dis-virgin(rape) your newly wedded wife you have been keeping for the past 10 years.
   
7. That moment  you did a night travel and on arriving home, you find no food to eat and everyone in the neighbor hood is sleeping.
   
8. That moment when things are just about to get serious between you and your girl just for ENEO (SONEL autant pour moi) cease light.
   
9. That moment when you enter an exam hall and notice that you know nothing on the paper.
   
10. That moment in life when the girl you have been trying to get with pass by your house finally and you notice that you have no protection left. LOL.

SOME LIES PEOPLE SOMETIMES BELIEVE IN

1. When one of your eye start shaking they say your going to cry or see some one u haven't seen 4 a long time. Poor health condition seek medical attention.
   
2.  When walking and you kick one of your toe they say it good or bad lock. U were moving with your eyes closed be focused.
   
3.  When eating and you bite your lips they say someone is calling your name. Stop fighting with the food it won't run eat gently no one is calling your name. Call the name of the person standing next to you then ask if he or she her bit her lips .
   
4.  Every time you brush your  teeth and see blood stop thinking it's because u brush it well its because you haven't brush it for the past one or two days. Brush after meals.
   
5.  When the rain is falling heavily don't take your food and throw to the rain thinking it will cut. Just follow the news for your whether conditions. Stop blaming your great grand fathers allow their soul to RIP, the are not going to eat the food your throw.
   
6. When drinking your palm wine or beer as the case maybe, don't throw some on the grown saying "This one is for the ancestors". Frankly, the ancestors are dead and where there are, there don't need wine or beer. Stop wasting your beer.
   
7. When your have a dream about someone at night and u wake up and say "how could this person be in my dream?". It's because through out the day your have been thinking about that person and don't blame anyone it's all your thoughts.
   
8.  For the girls when u get pregnant stop using the phrase " he got me pregnant"  you got yourself pregnant you were not raped, so don't blame him. You did open your legs and scream nicely like uhhh oh. Yes you did, don't even deny it.
   
9. When you get married don't take your husband's name it's not a must what a man can do a woman can do more better. Haha . smiling.
   
10. When you undressed each other to have sex also dress up each other. it is more moralistic than undressing each other. Try to show some manners, where you born in the house, train in the forest?.
    
11. When you have sex in your dream don't blame the poor devil. You wish u had one during the day. The devil is not always responsible for your "evil" deeds, you are sometimes.

I HOPE -- BY FEMENCHA AZOMBO FABRICE.

1. That all those who use to steal my bread my mum always puts in my bag in primary school have succeeded in stealing from the world bank.
   
2. That that head boy who use to threaten me to give him my long break money else he will write my name on the list of noise makers is now a senior head boy (governor).
   
3. That those boys who use to use my legs as "petit goal" just because I had curve legs are now playing in real Madrid and Barcelona.
   
4. That those my mates who always refuse to give me double sheet to write a test or an exam are still using the book now!
   
5. That those my mates who refuse to give me their note books to copy notes when I was late for a class are owning real notebooks from Microsoft and Macintosh.
   
6. That all those who refuse to give me one pen each time I asked "class who have 2 pens please" though there had 2 but refused to give me one are signing million dollar contracts with those pens.
   
7. That all those elders in school who use to tax me on my belongings are now working in the tax office.
   
8. That all those people whom during examination refuse to open their paper for me to see an answer are now working in the CONAC (Commission Nationale Anti Corruption).
   
9. That Those girls in primary school who use to refuse to be my girlfriends (after eating my bread on long break , oh Lord have mercy) just because I was not the head boy are now married to or dating ministers and governors.
   
10. That all those girls who rejected or maltreated me(in a relationship) are now in save and secure relationships.

God bless you all because you all made me who I am today ( a wiser version of me).

TOTO AND HIS FUNNY STORIES

1. TOTO AND HIS WIFE 

Wife: Honey I'm out of pants can you give me money to buy some??
Toto: Don't bother i will get you some on my way back from work.
Wife: ok.

[ 8 hrs later,]

Toto: Honey here are the pants i got for you. There are you size.

Wife: But Honey there are the same color, People will start to think that have  I    just 1 pant. [Wife gets angry]

Toto: Who will think you have just 1 pant??? How will there get to know.

Wife: [silent].

2. SMS BETWEEN TOTO AND WIFE

Wife: Honey, this is my last sms, can you send me some airtime so i can renew my sms???

Toto: Ok Baby, off course I will.

Wife: Thank you honey, thats why i love you so much.

[After a short while]

Toto: Have you received the airtime??

Wife: No it has not yet come.

Toto:Have you checked your account.??
Wife: Yes I did but Nothing.

Toto: Ok wait I will resend it.

Wife: OK.

[After a short while]

Toto: Has it come??

Wife: Still Nothing!!

Toto: Are you sure???
Wife: Weh i just checked just now and yet still nothing!!
Toto: And you said it was your last SMS?? I was lying, i dint send anything.

3. TOTO AND HIS BANK

Toto had a dream in which he was rubbed and killed just after when he cashed some money from his bank. Early the next morning, he rushed to the bank and empty closed his account after he had withdrawn all his money. His friend asked him why he did that and Toto replied The motto of that bank is <<WE MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE>>

10 STUPID QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK

1.  You see identical twins, yet you still ask " are those identical twins??" -- Answer "No Na film you di watch. You Blind??".
   
2. SONEL/ENEO brings back light after a long while and everyone in the quarter starts screaming 'Wehhhhhhh light don came!!' and yet one stupid guy still ask "O boy na light dat so??" -- Answer "No na fire di burn the whole quarter. You Yam".
   
3. You see someone vomiting and yet you ask "You are not feeling fine??" -- Answer "Yes I'm feeling fine, I'm just learning how to vomit. Idiot".
   
4. You  just wake up from sleep and your brother/sister/others after noticing that you were sleeping still ask "You don wakeup???" Answer "No i came buy bread weh a go chop for dream. Tshuiiiiip".
   
5. You see a woman who just put to birth a new born baby and yet you still ask "ehhh Madam you don Born???" -- Answer "No A winnam for pari foot. You carry witch come??".
   
6. You see you mum early in the morning and you greet her good morning but she still ask "My son you don wakeup???" --  Answer "No mum, I'm just sleep walking, You to ohhhh".
   
7. My friend ask me "A sah ehh boy you deh which conner??" A tell yi say " a deh Money Gram down molyko" and yet as stupid as he is he asked me "you di do weti for deh???" --- Answer "A came harvest Yam. Non sense."
   
8. Your neighbor sees you opening the gate to go out and yet ask you "You do comot???" -- Answer "NO a be the new gate man *LMAO*" .
   
9. I'm watching my movie and my friend still comes in and ask "Boy you di watch film???" --- Answer "No a di Skype with  Vin Diesel".
   
10. You are eating plantains and beans and you friend comes in and ask "Boy na beans that so???" -- Answer "No na shit for goat. Na who di sep???".

The Couples Bed Code(Just for fun). :-)

• Article 1: The bed being a sacred place, a woman must never turn your back on her man when there are both in bed.
• Article 2: In bed, the woman shall never throw the arm, nor the feet of her man if the arm or feet of the later happens to come in contact with her.
• Article 3: If the woman is angry during the day, Article 1 shall apply at night .
• Article 4: The woman shall not ware any night ware before sleep(It is not necessary) : if she wares any, then she cannot ware any pants nor bra(She must reduce the number of steps needed to get to Jerusalem).
• Article 5: If the man is sleeping too much at night, the woman must cough hard enough to wake him up: if he does not wake up, then she has the obligation to him under his pants until it hurts enough for him to wake up and perform his duty: If the man does not get up after 3 hits, then Article 4 MAY apply.
• Article  6: When the woman is tired due to excessive work during the day, then the man must do her a massage in bed with love, softness, gentleness, dexterity and tenderness and this activity must end by an absolute moment of silence. If the man does not comply, then Article 1 shall not apply.
• Article 7: While in bed, the couples must resolve all their problems and divergences with love and respect before sunrise: If one night is not enough, them Article 1 shall not apply, Article 2 shall not apply, Article 3 shall not apply, but Article 4 shall apply for that night, until the all problems are solved in a peaceful and pacific manner(NO Third party maybe involved).
• Article 8: At 4H35Min in the morning, each person must wake up and do his or her usual chores: failure to do so will result to a fine the next night(Article 2 shall not apply).
• Article 9: The bed is referred as the "THE GARDEN OF EDEN" where each party must perform his or her responsibility at least 7 times a week(Meaning at least once a day).
• Article 10: If the kickoff is difficult, then the woman must use tools(like hands maybe) and ingenious techniques to favor a good and peaceful  atmosphere necessary for harmony.
• Article 11: All the above mentioned ARTICLES are applicable to all type of couples, married or unmarried without any age distinction. Parties whose rights are been may bring forth the case in front of the high judge(Me) for judgement.

TEN DIFFERENCES BETWEEN CHRISTIANO RONALDO AND LIONEL MESSI

1. When RONALDO scores he points at himself. When MESSI scores he points up.
2. RONALDO will use 5 tricks to beat 1 player. MESSI will use 1 trick to beat 5 players.
3. RONALDO is compared to MESSI.. While MESSI is compared to Pele and Maradona.
4.  RONALDO shoots where MESSI would have passed to better a positioned player.
5. RONALDO is hungry for individual success, MESSI plays for the success of the team as a whole.
6. Girls like RONALDO for his Good Looks, Girls like MESSI for his Good Game.
7. RONALDO scores goals, MESSI Breaks Records.
8. RONALDO plays because he loves fame, MESSI plays because he loves the game.
9. RONALDO will make your DAY! MESSI will make your HISTORY!
10. RONALDO is Good, but MESSI is the best.