TYPES OF STUDENTS IN AN EXAMINATION HALL

1. THE GURUs
The first on the list is the gurus, who are the gurus? these are the type of students that starts writing immediately they are given the Question paper and answer sheet. They don't stop until the Invigilator ask everybody to submit. Everyone knows them in their Department and regard them as one of the brilliant person in class or the most brilliant but most of them always end up with bad grades. (Only God knows why).

2. THE MIRACLE SEEKERs
Who are the Miracle seekers in an examination hall? these are the Students that did not read at all but still walk into the examination hall with an assurance that answers will fall from heaven. Most of this type of Students will not enter the examination with cheat sheets but will still write far more than the person they are asking from or sitting with. (I Salute una Faith ohhh).

3. THE PADDY MAN CATEGORY
This set of students depend fully on their friends and even enemies in the same hall with them. Immediately the sitting arrangement is out, you will see them going from desk to desk asking other students where they fall. Immediately they get to hear that the most brilliant student falls in their hall, they limp for joy and of course they book the space behind the student. (Chai, Una go good for Ultimate Search).

4. THE THIEVES
A lecturer once describe this category of student as the smartest and among students this is because they manage to get their cheat sheets to their desk no matter how strict the invigilators are.
Search them from now till next year, you can never find anything on them yet, there are loads of cheat sheets with them. (GIRLS ARE USUALLY THE BEST IN THIS CATEGORY )

5. THE GIRAFFES
The list can never be complete without this category of students. From the start of the examination till everyone submit their booklets, Mr and Mrs Giraffe neck will stretch from one corner of the room to another. No matter how the invigilator catches him/her he/she will still stretch their neck
(I Hail o).

6. THE COMPLETELY EMPTY VESSELS
"Please spell APPLICATION for me" No, I'm not the one asking, it is a student in his/her final year asking you to spell Application for him during a ENGLISH 101 examination. (Bros, better go do mechanic ohh!).

7. THE PHOTOCOPY MACHINE
This set of students can copy anything as long as it is on your answer booklet. They will copy everything including your name, surname and matriculation number.
(Blood of Jesus!).

8. THOSE THAT CAME TO SIT FOR OTHERS
Do i really need to write much about this category? They are in the hall to write the examination for a friend who is sick or the person who paid them to sit for them. (Ask UB pickin them)

9. THE MIND YOUR BUSINESS CATEGORY
Yes, this category of student are the Mummy G.O's and Daddy G.O's who will mind their business throughout the examination. Call them from today till next week they will not look at you talkless of answering you. (This is the worst set of people.)

10. THE PEN EATERS
All they do is chew the cover of BIC or start eating paper all through the examination period. (Na hungry di do them abi na other thing.?)

Confession Time
Which One do you Belong?

WE TWO, JESUS AND I

I cannot do it alone, the waves run fast and high, and the fogs close chill around and the lights go out in the sky. But i know we two shall win in the end.
Jesus and I

I could not stir it my self, my barque on the roaring sea. What of that, another sits in my barque and pulls or stir with me, and I know that we shall come into port.
His child and He

Coward, wayward and week. I change with the changing sky. One day eager and brave, the next not caring to try. But He never gives in. And we two shall win.
Jesus and I.

Strong and tender and true, crucified once for me. I knew that Jesus never will change. What ever I do or be, we shall finish out course and get home at last.
His child and He.

Amen.

Author: Unknown.

WHAT A HUSBAND TOLD HIS WIFE ON THEIR WEDDING NIGHT

My wife, everyone has gone home. The music is quiet, the celebration is over. Our wedding was beautiful but it is now in the past. We have finished the wedding Ceremony, it is now time to build our marriage. All that is left now is the two of us… What we will become tomorrow, starts from tonight. Our life is no longer the same.
.
There was a day you put on one red dress… You looked so beautiful in it. That Day I wanted to just touch you! We were in the Cinema and I was so tempted. I wanted to just take you outside and kiss you but I couldn’t. Guess what? Now I have you forever, I can do that everyday. Before I take off your cloth and make love to you…
.
Let me tell you few things. I have nothing to hide from you from this day. My phone, you can use it like your own. You can access my facebook, my twitter and my Instagram From today, I have become a child.
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For the past five years of my life, I have been a man. I wake myself up in the morning, sometimes I go to bed hungry, I do things the way I want to. I come home whenever I want to but all that ends today. From today you become my mother, who will scold me when I come home late, a mother who will wake me up at six to go work, a mother who will ensure I don’t sleep hungry. I am glad I have a mother in you. I hope you will be a good mother? Don’t be too harsh and I promise I won’t be too stubborn.
.
Sometimes I will give you headache but I promise, I will also be the cure of every headache. When my parents died, I looked after my brothers and sisters. I was like a father to them. So i will not have Any problem being a father to you!

WORDS FROM A MOTHER TO HER DAUGHTER ABOUT MARRIAGE (LADIES LEARN)

1. The wife that wins all arguments with her husband is not wise. The home is not a law court. So please learn to leave your husband to win sometimes. Its called fair play.
   
2. The wife that uses sex as a weapon in the home - placing embargo, going to bed in jeans shorts and trousers -lacks wisdom.
   
3. The wife that uses the modern trends and laws of "women's rights" to insult or ridicule her husband simply makes a fool of herself. She has no idea of what she is doing.
   
4. A woman that makes her home void of peace through bickering, nagging and quarrels needs help. A man should be eager to run away from office to be at home, for that should be the safest and closest place on earth for him. Not the other way round.
   
5. Modern-day equality in marriage does not mean competition, It simply means partnership. Taking advantage of such equality to turn around and become the defacto head of the home and oppress the man is tantamount to playing with fire. If you destroy your home, soon you will be the boss of an empty home. Just saying
   
6. A wise wife makes the man feel so good that he assumes that he is the head. Once he gets that feeling, the woman gently wields her power and the head actually turns to wherever the neck wants without a protest.
   
7.  A wife that does not pull herself away from friends' influence and advice or even from the control of her mother and father will have herself to blame sooner or later.
   
8. When a man is looking for a wife, he bypasses women of different shapes and sizes to choose a wife But soon after childbirth, many women hide under the excuse of childbirth to let go of themselves. Many stop bothering about their looks,shape, dressing, etc.Within 5 years of marriage, people start wondering if the wife is the man's aunt, even though she is 7 years younger. Her defence is that if he truly loves her, he should love her the way she is but when looking for a wife, he saw people like the present YOU and ignored them and settled for the former YOU. Today, you go to bed smelling of onions.... You go to bed wearing...

LADIES BEWARE

1. Success is not sexually transmitted, so stop sleeping with successful men, thinking that you will be successful. It doesn't work that way. So stop and work hard.
2. Please do not wear the same weave for nine months, its not pregnancy, for goodness sake.
3. Half naked girls are hot, yeah definitely, but well dressed girls are beautiful, just like hell is hot and heaven is beautiful. Just saying ohh.
4. Stop saying you cannot date a man who lives with his mother yet your dating a man who lives with his wife. It doesn't make sense really!!!
5. Do not look at what a guy drives but what drives him. Definitely what drives him is better that what he drives right?. Yeah that's true.
6. Before You call a guy ugly, remember 95% of Your beauty can be removed by just a towel. Inbox me and I will explain what i meant if you don't understand. LOL
7. When you were in campus you refused to date guys in campus and dated married men, when you get married you brag you can't share a man, relax ma sister I believe in payback time. "Chaqun a son tour chez le coiffeur" -- L.M MOPAO.
8. Lastly my advice for you is learn to call and consult God first in every situation in life and not your neighbor.

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CAMEROONIAN GIRLS WITH THEIR ATTITUDES WHEN YOU DUMP THEM

1. When you dump a  girl from Mankon, she will create a scene out of it and disgrace you in 
2.  public and in broad day light.
3. When you dump a girl from Bassa, she will beat you up and make you love her again by force. Like her or not is none of her business.
4. When you dump an Oku girl, she will take your name to all the native doctors of her land and ask them to frustrate you.
5. When you dump a girl from Mbengwi, she will cry from January to December with your picture in her hands.
6. When you dump a girl from Nkwen she won't even notice because you were probably the 30th.
7. When you dump a girl from Bali, she will not bother, she will just go round and sleep with all your friends.
8. When you dump a girl from Batibo, she will turn her bedroom into a beer palor and drink all kinds of beer until she gets high.
9. When you dump a girl from Nkambe, in two weeks time she will invite you to her wedding.
10. When you dump a girl from Bakossi, forget she seduces you father and become your step mother.
11. When you dump a girl from Yaounde, she will report you to her dad who is surely in the army and you will marry her with a gun pointed on your head.
12. When you dump a girl from Mamfe, she will burn all your properties and later ask for forgiveness.
13. When you dump a girl from Banso,you will see her the next morning in front of your house with her elder brothers, who are surely loaded.
14. When you dump a Bakweri girl will be of no use because, she had already dump you since.
15. When you dump an Ewondo girl, she comes the next day and tell you she is Pregnant.

Interview btwn a Kenyan immigrant & d consular at d Embassy.....Interview Starts...

OFFICER:- what is your name?
MUZO:- M.P sir

OFFICER:- In full please
MUZO:- Muzo Phiri
OFFICER:- your father's name?
MUZO:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- what does that mean?
MUZO:- Melvin Phiri
OFFICER:- your native place?
MUZO: M.P sir
OFFICER:- what's that?
MUZO:- Muchinga Province
OFFICER:- what is your qualification?
MUZO:- M.P
OFFICER:- (angry) what is thaat?!!!
MUZO:- Mathematics Professor
OFFICER:- so why do you need a job?
MUZO:- it is because of M.P sir
OFFICER: meaning?
MUZO:- Money Problems
OFFICER:- would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?
MUZO: M. P sir.
OFFICER: and what is that?
MUZO:- Marvelous Personality
OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.
MUZO:- sir, how was M. P sir?
OFFICER:- and what's that again?
MUZO:- My Performance.
OFFICER:- I think u already have M. P
MUZO:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g?
OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!
Don't laugh alone. Send it to those u desire to put smile on their faces. God bless.
I have sent this to u because u are M.P. (My Padi).

PROMISE YOURSELF

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry,too noble for anger, too strong for fear,and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

TEN MOST ANNOYING MOMENTS IN LIFE

1. That moment you when you are so hungry that you take out your last 100 FCFA on you to purchase and the woman selling notices that write ups had fade out and refuses to give you food.
   
2. That moment you are well dressed in white suit and your friend comes and tap you on your shoulder after eating eru
   
3. That moment you spend 3.5 million FCFA to organize your wedding and while on the dance floor with your newly wedded wife, people keep spraying 500 FCFA notes.
   
4. That moment you meet a new chick on the road and on trying to give you her number, you notice that you have low battery.
   
5. That moment you are out on  date, ready to conclude that night, and after eating enough suya she tells you she is on her period.
   
6. That moment when arm robbers burst into your home and dis-virgin(rape) your newly wedded wife you have been keeping for the past 10 years.
   
7. That moment  you did a night travel and on arriving home, you find no food to eat and everyone in the neighbor hood is sleeping.
   
8. That moment when things are just about to get serious between you and your girl just for ENEO (SONEL autant pour moi) cease light.
   
9. That moment when you enter an exam hall and notice that you know nothing on the paper.
   
10. That moment in life when the girl you have been trying to get with pass by your house finally and you notice that you have no protection left. LOL.

10 STUPID QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK

1.  You see identical twins, yet you still ask " are those identical twins??" -- Answer "No Na film you di watch. You Blind??".
   
2. SONEL/ENEO brings back light after a long while and everyone in the quarter starts screaming 'Wehhhhhhh light don came!!' and yet one stupid guy still ask "O boy na light dat so??" -- Answer "No na fire di burn the whole quarter. You Yam".
   
3. You see someone vomiting and yet you ask "You are not feeling fine??" -- Answer "Yes I'm feeling fine, I'm just learning how to vomit. Idiot".
   
4. You  just wake up from sleep and your brother/sister/others after noticing that you were sleeping still ask "You don wakeup???" Answer "No i came buy bread weh a go chop for dream. Tshuiiiiip".
   
5. You see a woman who just put to birth a new born baby and yet you still ask "ehhh Madam you don Born???" -- Answer "No A winnam for pari foot. You carry witch come??".
   
6. You see you mum early in the morning and you greet her good morning but she still ask "My son you don wakeup???" --  Answer "No mum, I'm just sleep walking, You to ohhhh".
   
7. My friend ask me "A sah ehh boy you deh which conner??" A tell yi say " a deh Money Gram down molyko" and yet as stupid as he is he asked me "you di do weti for deh???" --- Answer "A came harvest Yam. Non sense."
   
8. Your neighbor sees you opening the gate to go out and yet ask you "You do comot???" -- Answer "NO a be the new gate man *LMAO*" .
   
9. I'm watching my movie and my friend still comes in and ask "Boy you di watch film???" --- Answer "No a di Skype with  Vin Diesel".
   
10. You are eating plantains and beans and you friend comes in and ask "Boy na beans that so???" -- Answer "No na shit for goat. Na who di sep???".