1. Virginity is like a Balloon , One prick and it's gone for ever!
2. Sex is like a pack of Chips, Once you start! You can't stop 😝!
3. An Exam paper is like a Dick, When it's hard! People get fucked!
4. Education is like hiring a prostitute, It needs both your money and your hardwork 😓...!
5. Success is like masturbating, Only your own hand can let you achieve it!
6. Life without Friends is like Boobs Without Nipples. IT'S POINTLESS !
7. Fuck a woman and she Loves you. Love a woman when she Fucks you.😳😳
8. English O/L Final Exam question paper: Fill in the blanks. If a woman faints, we
must first check her pu_s_. Only few students who wrote: 'Pulse'
passed.😜😜
9. The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls. They are sentenced to Hang Till Death!😝😝
10. Boy: How much Calcium is there in women's BREASTS? Girl: It Enough to help a Man's Boneless Thing stand up😜😜
11. Give an example of Total Business Failure due to Negligence. A Pregnant Prostitute😰😰
12. If Necessity is the Mother of Invention, Then Frustration is the Father of Masturbation! 😉😉
13. If your Boss says: Nothing is Impossible ask him to wear condom after sex!💄😱
So basically life is 👙S$XOLOGY👙
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
Monday, April 25, 2016
Sunday, April 24, 2016
QUESTION AND ANSWER TIME
Q – Why Are Condoms Transparent?
A – So That Sperms Can At Least Enjoy The Scene Even If Their Entry Is Restricted!
Q – What Is The New Aids Awareness Slogan?
A – Try Different Positions With The Same Woman Instead Of Same Position With Different Women.
Q – What Will Happen If Earth Rotates 30 Times Faster?
A – Men Will Get Their Salary Everyday And Women Will Bleed To Death.
Q – Why Do 90% Girls Have Left Boob Bigger Than Right?
A – Because 90% Boys Are Right Handed.
Q – What Is The Difference Between A Panty & A Stage Curtain?
A – When You Pull Down The Stage Curtain, The Show Is Over, But When You Pull Down The Panty.. It Is Showtime!
Q – What Does A Signboard Out Side A Prostitute’s House Say?
A – Married Men Not Allowed Here. Because We Serve The Needy, Not The Greedy.
Q – What Is The Similarity Between A Wife And A Chewing Gum?
A – Both Are Sweet In The Beginning But Become Tasteless And Shapeless Later.
Q – Why Is Sex Like Shaving?
A – Well, Because No Matter How Well You Do It Today. Tomorrow You’ll Have To Do It Again.
Q - Why Can’t Anybody Satisfy A Woman Completely?
A - Because Nobody Has A Dick Made Of Gold, Decorated With Diamonds And Ejaculates Cash
Q - Why Did Newton Commit Suicide?
A - Because He Saw A Complete Naked Girl, And Observed Something Going Up In His Pant, Against His Own Laws Of Motion
Q - Why Do Men Wear Underwear?
A - As Per Military Rules, All Types Of Weapons Should Be Kept Covered During Peace Time
Q - Why Are Vegetarian Women Silent During Sex?
A - They Are In State Of Shock That A Piece Of Meat Can Give So Much Pleasure
Q - Why Do Women Wear Panty?
A - Because State Law Says All Main-Holes Must Be Covered When Not In Use.
A – So That Sperms Can At Least Enjoy The Scene Even If Their Entry Is Restricted!
Q – What Is The New Aids Awareness Slogan?
A – Try Different Positions With The Same Woman Instead Of Same Position With Different Women.
Q – What Will Happen If Earth Rotates 30 Times Faster?
A – Men Will Get Their Salary Everyday And Women Will Bleed To Death.
Q – Why Do 90% Girls Have Left Boob Bigger Than Right?
A – Because 90% Boys Are Right Handed.
Q – What Is The Difference Between A Panty & A Stage Curtain?
A – When You Pull Down The Stage Curtain, The Show Is Over, But When You Pull Down The Panty.. It Is Showtime!
Q – What Does A Signboard Out Side A Prostitute’s House Say?
A – Married Men Not Allowed Here. Because We Serve The Needy, Not The Greedy.
Q – What Is The Similarity Between A Wife And A Chewing Gum?
A – Both Are Sweet In The Beginning But Become Tasteless And Shapeless Later.
Q – Why Is Sex Like Shaving?
A – Well, Because No Matter How Well You Do It Today. Tomorrow You’ll Have To Do It Again.
Q - Why Can’t Anybody Satisfy A Woman Completely?
A - Because Nobody Has A Dick Made Of Gold, Decorated With Diamonds And Ejaculates Cash
Q - Why Did Newton Commit Suicide?
A - Because He Saw A Complete Naked Girl, And Observed Something Going Up In His Pant, Against His Own Laws Of Motion
Q - Why Do Men Wear Underwear?
A - As Per Military Rules, All Types Of Weapons Should Be Kept Covered During Peace Time
Q - Why Are Vegetarian Women Silent During Sex?
A - They Are In State Of Shock That A Piece Of Meat Can Give So Much Pleasure
Q - Why Do Women Wear Panty?
A - Because State Law Says All Main-Holes Must Be Covered When Not In Use.
Thursday, February 18, 2016
TYPES OF STUDENTS IN AN EXAMINATION HALL
1. THE GURUs
The first on the list is the gurus, who are the gurus? these are the type of students that starts writing immediately they are given the Question paper and answer sheet. They don't stop until the Invigilator ask everybody to submit. Everyone knows them in their Department and regard them as one of the brilliant person in class or the most brilliant but most of them always end up with bad grades. (Only God knows why).
2. THE MIRACLE SEEKERs
Who are the Miracle seekers in an examination hall? these are the Students that did not read at all but still walk into the examination hall with an assurance that answers will fall from heaven. Most of this type of Students will not enter the examination with cheat sheets but will still write far more than the person they are asking from or sitting with. (I Salute una Faith ohhh).
3. THE PADDY MAN CATEGORY
This set of students depend fully on their friends and even enemies in the same hall with them. Immediately the sitting arrangement is out, you will see them going from desk to desk asking other students where they fall. Immediately they get to hear that the most brilliant student falls in their hall, they limp for joy and of course they book the space behind the student. (Chai, Una go good for Ultimate Search).
4. THE THIEVES
A lecturer once describe this category of student as the smartest and among students this is because they manage to get their cheat sheets to their desk no matter how strict the invigilators are.
Search them from now till next year, you can never find anything on them yet, there are loads of cheat sheets with them. (GIRLS ARE USUALLY THE BEST IN THIS CATEGORY )
5. THE GIRAFFES
The list can never be complete without this category of students. From the start of the examination till everyone submit their booklets, Mr and Mrs Giraffe neck will stretch from one corner of the room to another. No matter how the invigilator catches him/her he/she will still stretch their neck
(I Hail o).
6. THE COMPLETELY EMPTY VESSELS
"Please spell APPLICATION for me" No, I'm not the one asking, it is a student in his/her final year asking you to spell Application for him during a ENGLISH 101 examination. (Bros, better go do mechanic ohh!).
7. THE PHOTOCOPY MACHINE
This set of students can copy anything as long as it is on your answer booklet. They will copy everything including your name, surname and matriculation number.
(Blood of Jesus!).
8. THOSE THAT CAME TO SIT FOR OTHERS
Do i really need to write much about this category? They are in the hall to write the examination for a friend who is sick or the person who paid them to sit for them. (Ask UB pickin them)
9. THE MIND YOUR BUSINESS CATEGORY
Yes, this category of student are the Mummy G.O's and Daddy G.O's who will mind their business throughout the examination. Call them from today till next week they will not look at you talkless of answering you. (This is the worst set of people.)
10. THE PEN EATERS
All they do is chew the cover of BIC or start eating paper all through the examination period. (Na hungry di do them abi na other thing.?)
The first on the list is the gurus, who are the gurus? these are the type of students that starts writing immediately they are given the Question paper and answer sheet. They don't stop until the Invigilator ask everybody to submit. Everyone knows them in their Department and regard them as one of the brilliant person in class or the most brilliant but most of them always end up with bad grades. (Only God knows why).
2. THE MIRACLE SEEKERs
Who are the Miracle seekers in an examination hall? these are the Students that did not read at all but still walk into the examination hall with an assurance that answers will fall from heaven. Most of this type of Students will not enter the examination with cheat sheets but will still write far more than the person they are asking from or sitting with. (I Salute una Faith ohhh).
3. THE PADDY MAN CATEGORY
This set of students depend fully on their friends and even enemies in the same hall with them. Immediately the sitting arrangement is out, you will see them going from desk to desk asking other students where they fall. Immediately they get to hear that the most brilliant student falls in their hall, they limp for joy and of course they book the space behind the student. (Chai, Una go good for Ultimate Search).
4. THE THIEVES
A lecturer once describe this category of student as the smartest and among students this is because they manage to get their cheat sheets to their desk no matter how strict the invigilators are.
Search them from now till next year, you can never find anything on them yet, there are loads of cheat sheets with them. (GIRLS ARE USUALLY THE BEST IN THIS CATEGORY )
5. THE GIRAFFES
The list can never be complete without this category of students. From the start of the examination till everyone submit their booklets, Mr and Mrs Giraffe neck will stretch from one corner of the room to another. No matter how the invigilator catches him/her he/she will still stretch their neck
(I Hail o).
6. THE COMPLETELY EMPTY VESSELS
"Please spell APPLICATION for me" No, I'm not the one asking, it is a student in his/her final year asking you to spell Application for him during a ENGLISH 101 examination. (Bros, better go do mechanic ohh!).
7. THE PHOTOCOPY MACHINE
This set of students can copy anything as long as it is on your answer booklet. They will copy everything including your name, surname and matriculation number.
(Blood of Jesus!).
8. THOSE THAT CAME TO SIT FOR OTHERS
Do i really need to write much about this category? They are in the hall to write the examination for a friend who is sick or the person who paid them to sit for them. (Ask UB pickin them)
9. THE MIND YOUR BUSINESS CATEGORY
Yes, this category of student are the Mummy G.O's and Daddy G.O's who will mind their business throughout the examination. Call them from today till next week they will not look at you talkless of answering you. (This is the worst set of people.)
10. THE PEN EATERS
All they do is chew the cover of BIC or start eating paper all through the examination period. (Na hungry di do them abi na other thing.?)
Confession Time
Which One do you Belong?
Which One do you Belong?
Sunday, February 7, 2016
THE MAN AT THE MONASTERY
A man is driving down the road 🚗and breaks down near a monastery⛪.
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down.
Do you think I could stay the night?
the monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner🍚🍲, even fix his car🔧🚗.
As the man tries to fall asleep💤, he hears a strange sound💬.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say,
We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed😞 but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way🚗.
Some years later,
The same man breaks down in front of the same monastery⛪.
The monks again accept him, feed him🍚🍲, even fix his car🔧🚗.
That night, he hears the same strange noise 💬that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning🌞, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you😶. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.😖
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, You must travel the earth 🌍and tell us how many blades of grass 🌾there are and the exact number of sand pebbles🔎 When you find these numbers,
you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task.
Some 4⃣5⃣ years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery⛪.
He says,
I have traveled the earth🌍 and have found what you have asked for. There are
145,236,284,232 blades of grass🌾 and
231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth🌏.
The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk😇.
We shall now show you the way to the sound📡.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door🚪 where the head monk says,
The sound is right behind that door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, Real funny. May I have the key🔑?
The monks give him the key🔑, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone🚪.
The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key🔑, and he opens it, only to find a door 🚪made of ruby.
He demands another key 🔑from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door🚪, this one made of sapphire,
So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,
silver,
topaz,
and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the last key🔑 to the last door.
The man is relieved to know end🏁.
He unlocks the door🔓,
turns the knob,
and behind that door he is amazed 😳to find the source of that strange sound📡
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
☝😐😶But he can't tell you what it is because you're not
a monk
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Don't be angry at me .. I am
Also looking for the guy who sent me this...
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down.
Do you think I could stay the night?
the monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner🍚🍲, even fix his car🔧🚗.
As the man tries to fall asleep💤, he hears a strange sound💬.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say,
We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed😞 but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way🚗.
Some years later,
The same man breaks down in front of the same monastery⛪.
The monks again accept him, feed him🍚🍲, even fix his car🔧🚗.
That night, he hears the same strange noise 💬that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning🌞, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you😶. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.😖
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, You must travel the earth 🌍and tell us how many blades of grass 🌾there are and the exact number of sand pebbles🔎 When you find these numbers,
you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task.
Some 4⃣5⃣ years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery⛪.
He says,
I have traveled the earth🌍 and have found what you have asked for. There are
145,236,284,232 blades of grass🌾 and
231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth🌏.
The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk😇.
We shall now show you the way to the sound📡.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door🚪 where the head monk says,
The sound is right behind that door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, Real funny. May I have the key🔑?
The monks give him the key🔑, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone🚪.
The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key🔑, and he opens it, only to find a door 🚪made of ruby.
He demands another key 🔑from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door🚪, this one made of sapphire,
So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,
silver,
topaz,
and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the last key🔑 to the last door.
The man is relieved to know end🏁.
He unlocks the door🔓,
turns the knob,
and behind that door he is amazed 😳to find the source of that strange sound📡
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
☝😐😶But he can't tell you what it is because you're not
a monk
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Don't be angry at me .. I am
Also looking for the guy who sent me this...
Thursday, January 14, 2016
WE TWO, JESUS AND I
I cannot do it alone, the waves run fast and high, and the fogs close chill around and the lights go out in the sky. But i know we two shall win in the end.
Jesus and I
I could not stir it my self, my barque on the roaring sea. What of that, another sits in my barque and pulls or stir with me, and I know that we shall come into port.
His child and He
Coward, wayward and week. I change with the changing sky. One day eager and brave, the next not caring to try. But He never gives in. And we two shall win.
Jesus and I.
Strong and tender and true, crucified once for me. I knew that Jesus never will change. What ever I do or be, we shall finish out course and get home at last.
His child and He.
Amen.
Author: Unknown.
Jesus and I
I could not stir it my self, my barque on the roaring sea. What of that, another sits in my barque and pulls or stir with me, and I know that we shall come into port.
His child and He
Coward, wayward and week. I change with the changing sky. One day eager and brave, the next not caring to try. But He never gives in. And we two shall win.
Jesus and I.
Strong and tender and true, crucified once for me. I knew that Jesus never will change. What ever I do or be, we shall finish out course and get home at last.
His child and He.
Amen.
Author: Unknown.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
HOW DO YOU FARE?
How do u fare when others prove you with hard questions? Do u flinch or balk or divert pressure by change subject?
There's : a well, do you dig it?
A mountain to climb,do you climb it?
Love in your heart,do you show it?
A chance everyday,do you blow it?
A life full of you,do you live it?
A coin in your pocket,do u give it?
A calling on your life,do you hear it?
A way to change the world,do you see it?
A word to be spoken,will you speak it?
A faith from above,will you keep it? ... glory up in heaven,will you make it?
Door that's opened wide,will you enter,will you cross the finishing line as a winner?
I ask myself these daily...
Happy New Year!
Benaiah
There's : a well, do you dig it?
A mountain to climb,do you climb it?
Love in your heart,do you show it?
A chance everyday,do you blow it?
A life full of you,do you live it?
A coin in your pocket,do u give it?
A calling on your life,do you hear it?
A way to change the world,do you see it?
A word to be spoken,will you speak it?
A faith from above,will you keep it? ... glory up in heaven,will you make it?
Door that's opened wide,will you enter,will you cross the finishing line as a winner?
I ask myself these daily...
Happy New Year!
Benaiah
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
WHAT A HUSBAND TOLD HIS WIFE ON THEIR WEDDING NIGHT
My wife,
everyone has gone home. The music is quiet, the celebration is over. Our
wedding was beautiful but it is now in the past. We have finished the
wedding Ceremony, it is now time to build our marriage. All that is left
now is the two of us… What we will become tomorrow, starts from
tonight. Our life is no longer the same.
.
There was a day you put on one red dress… You looked so beautiful in it. That Day I wanted to just touch you! We were in the Cinema and I was so tempted. I wanted to just take you outside and kiss you but I couldn’t. Guess what? Now I have you forever, I can do that everyday. Before I take off your cloth and make love to you…
.
Let me tell you few things. I have nothing to hide from you from this day. My phone, you can use it like your own. You can access my facebook, my twitter and my Instagram From today, I have become a child.
.
For the past five years of my life, I have been a man. I wake myself up in the morning, sometimes I go to bed hungry, I do things the way I want to. I come home whenever I want to but all that ends today. From today you become my mother, who will scold me when I come home late, a mother who will wake me up at six to go work, a mother who will ensure I don’t sleep hungry. I am glad I have a mother in you. I hope you will be a good mother? Don’t be too harsh and I promise I won’t be too stubborn.
.
Sometimes I will give you headache but I promise, I will also be the cure of every headache. When my parents died, I looked after my brothers and sisters. I was like a father to them. So i will not have Any problem being a father to you!
.
There was a day you put on one red dress… You looked so beautiful in it. That Day I wanted to just touch you! We were in the Cinema and I was so tempted. I wanted to just take you outside and kiss you but I couldn’t. Guess what? Now I have you forever, I can do that everyday. Before I take off your cloth and make love to you…
.
Let me tell you few things. I have nothing to hide from you from this day. My phone, you can use it like your own. You can access my facebook, my twitter and my Instagram From today, I have become a child.
.
For the past five years of my life, I have been a man. I wake myself up in the morning, sometimes I go to bed hungry, I do things the way I want to. I come home whenever I want to but all that ends today. From today you become my mother, who will scold me when I come home late, a mother who will wake me up at six to go work, a mother who will ensure I don’t sleep hungry. I am glad I have a mother in you. I hope you will be a good mother? Don’t be too harsh and I promise I won’t be too stubborn.
.
Sometimes I will give you headache but I promise, I will also be the cure of every headache. When my parents died, I looked after my brothers and sisters. I was like a father to them. So i will not have Any problem being a father to you!
Monday, December 7, 2015
THIRTY RULES EVERY GODLY WOMAN MUST FOLLOW.
- Never raise your voice for any reason to your husband. Its a sign of disrespect. (Prov 15v1)
- Don't expose your husband's weaknesses to your family and friends. It will bounce back at you.You are each other's keeper REMEMBER.(Eph 5v12)
- Never use attitudes and moods to communicate to your husband, you never know how your husband will interpret them. Defensive women don't have a happy home its a fact.(Prov 15v13)
- Never compare your husband to other men, you've no idea what their life is all about. If you attack his Ego, his Love for you will diminish.
- Never ill treat your husband's friends because you don't like them, the person who's supposed to get rid of them is your husband.(Prov 11v22)
- Never forget that your husband married you, not your maid or anyone else. Do your duties even if it may not be easy sometimes.(Gen 2v24)
- Never assign anyone to give attention to your husband, people may do everything else but your husband is your own responsibility.(Eph 5v33)
- Never blame your husband if he comes back home empty handed. Rather encourage him, by that doing you give him the strength to do so next time.(Deut 3v28)
- Never be a wasteful wife, your husband's sweat is too precious to be wasted.
- Never pretend to be sick for the purpose of denying your husband sex. You must give it to him how he wants it. Sex is very important to Men, if you keep denying him, it is a matter of time before another woman takes over that duty. No man can withstand sex starvation for too long(even the anointed ones) (SS 7v12)
- Never compare your husband to your one time sex mate in bedroom, or an Ex-lover. Your home may Never recover from it if you do.(SS 5v9)
- Never answer for your husband in public opinion polls, let him handle what is directed to him although he may answer for you in public opinion polls.(Prov 31v23)
- Never shout or challenge your husband in front of children. Wise Women don't do that.(Eph 4v31)
- Don't forget to check the smartness of your husband before he checks out.(Prov 12v4)
- Never allow your friends to be too close to your husband.
- Never be in a hurry in the bathroom and on the dressing table. Out there your husband is always surrounded by women who took their time on their looks.( 1 Sam25v3)
- Your parents or family or friends do not have the final say in your marriage. Don't waste your time looking up to them for a final word. You must Leave if you want to Cleave.(Luke 21v16)
- Never base your love on monetary things. Will you still submit to him even if you earn more money than him?
- Don't forget that husbands want attention and good listeners, never be too busy for him. Good communication is the bed rock of every happy home. (Gal 6v9)
- If your idea worked better than his, never compare yourself to him. Its always teamwork.(Gal 6v10)
- Don't be too judgmental to your husband. No man wants a Nagging wife.(Eph 4v29)
- A lazy wife is a careless wife. She doesn't even know that her body needs a bath.(Prov 24v27)(Prov 20v13)
- Does your husband like a kind of cooked food?, try to change your cooking. No man jokes with food. (Prov 31v14)
- Never be too demanding to your husband,enjoy every moment, resource as it comes.(Luke 11v3)
- Make a glass of water the very first welcome to your husband and everyone entering your home. Sweetness of attitude is true beauty. (Prov 31v11)
- Don't associate with women who have a wrong mental attitude about marriage.(Prov 22v14)
- Your marriage is as valuable to you as the value that you give it. Recklessness is unacceptable.(Heb 13v4)
- Fruit of the womb is a blessing from the Lord, love your children and teach them well.(Prov 22v6)
- You are never too old to influence your home. Never reduce your care for your family for any reason. (Prov 31v28)
- A prayerful wife is a better equipped wife,pray always for your husband and family(1 Thess 5v17)
Thursday, November 26, 2015
LIFE SAVING MORALS
- No matter how beautiful or handsome you are, just know that baboon and gorillas also attract tourist,
Lesson: Stop boasting - No matter how big and tall you are, just remember that you will not carry your self to your grave.
Lesson: Be humble - No matter how tall you are, just remember that you cannot see tomorrow
lesson: Be patient. - No matter how light and skinny you are, just remember that you will always need light in darkness
Lesson: Take caution. - No matter how rich and many cars you have, just remember that you will always walk to a bed
Lesson: Be contented.
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Thursday, November 12, 2015
WHAT A FATHER TOLD HIS DAUGHTER A DAY BEFORE HER WEDDING
- My Daughter, tomorrow you will stop bearing my name. You will be happily married to the man you love. Don't miss me because I have fulfilled my purpose, it is now time for you to start fulfilling yours.
- From your childhood, I have raised you well by the grace of God but before you say I do, there are few things I need to tell you about living with a man and being married.
- Do you remember when you wrote your GCE O/L and GCE A/L exams? You came to me and I gave you 20,000 FCFA for the registration? Well, even though I gave it to you, the money was not mine. I know you always thought I paid the fees. The truth is, I was broke… but your mother gave me the money. She could have given it to you but she decided to give it to me to give to you.
- Support your husband. Some times things will get tough… he will be frustrated. Even though he acts tough, in his mind he has fears… he fear you may not value him anymore because he has fallen. That is the time to get behind him and support him!
- The best way to show your husband you love him is to respect him! You may argue with him, you may disagree but at the end of the day, let him know he has your respect.
- Do you remember the day I screamed at your mother? What did she do? She was quiet! Do you also remember the day she screamed at me? What did I do? I was quiet! My daughter learn to be quiet sometimes when your husband is angry. When one person is hot, the other should be cool. If two are always screaming at same time, that is how big problems start in marriage. The first thing to know about your husband is his favourite food! If he has more than one then keep them at the back of your mind. Dont let him ask for it, always prepare it for him.
- There was a day your mother caught me touching a woman’s hand affectionately. I was lust after that woman but I was not yet cheating on your mum. When she saw us… she didnt fight the lady, she quietly left. I was afraid of going home because all hell will break lose. But when I got home she said nothing. She served me my food. Guilt was taking control over me. I started begging. From that day, I never looked at a woman two time. Who knows? If she had fought and threatened me… maybe I could have run away from the fight into the arms of the lady. Sometimes Silent brings better solution than fight.
- Forget those romantic novels you read while you were 21. Remember those Indian and American love movies? Also remember those too sweet Nollywood films on African magic? Forget them! Don’t expect your married life to be that way. Life is different from fiction
- The last thing I want to tell you…. Do you remember how you were born? After our wedding, things were tough and your mum had to do two jobs to support us. I was working as well. I get home 6 PM while she gets home 8pm tired. But when we get to bed… she will not refuse me my night food. That is how you were born. Dont form a habit of denying your husband of his night food.
- Be a good wife. You will always be Daddy’s girl…
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
WORDS FROM A MOTHER TO HER DAUGHTER ABOUT MARRIAGE (LADIES LEARN)
- The wife that wins all arguments with her husband is not wise. The home is not a law court. So please learn to leave your husband to win sometimes. Its called fair play.
- The wife that uses sex as a weapon in the home - placing embargo, going to bed in jeans shorts and trousers -lacks wisdom.
- The wife that uses the modern trends and laws of "women's rights"
to insult or ridicule her husband simply makes a fool of herself. She has no idea of what she is doing.
- A woman that makes her home void of peace through bickering, nagging and quarrels needs help. A man should be eager to run away from office to be at home, for that should be the safest and closest place on earth for him. Not the other way round.
- Modern-day equality in marriage does not mean competition, It
simply means partnership. Taking advantage of such equality to turn
around and become the defacto head of the home and oppress the man is
tantamount to playing with fire. If you destroy your home, soon you will
be the boss of an empty home. Just saying
- A wise wife makes the man feel so good that he assumes that he is the head. Once he gets that feeling, the woman gently wields her power and the head actually turns to wherever the neck wants without a protest.
- A wife that does not pull herself away from friends' influence and advice or even from the control of her mother and father will have herself to blame sooner or later.
- When a man is looking for a wife, he bypasses women of different shapes and sizes to choose a wife But soon after childbirth, many women hide under the excuse of childbirth to let go of themselves. Many stop bothering about their looks,shape, dressing, etc.Within 5 years of marriage, people start wondering if the wife is the man's aunt, even though she is 7 years younger. Her defence is that if he truly loves her, he should love her the way she is but when looking for a wife, he saw people like the present YOU and ignored them and settled for the former YOU. Today, you go to bed smelling of onions.... You go to bed wearing...
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
LADIES BEWARE
- Success is not sexually transmitted, so stop sleeping with successful men, thinking that you will be successful. It doesn't work that way. So stop and work hard.
- Please do not wear the same weave for nine months, its not pregnancy, for goodness sake.
- Half naked girls are hot, yeah definitely, but well dressed girls are beautiful, just like hell is hot and heaven is beautiful. Just saying ohh.
- Stop saying you cannot date a man who lives with his mother yet your dating a man who lives with his wife. It doesn't make sense really!!!
- Do not look at what a guy drives but what drives him. Definitely what drives him is better that what he drives right?. Yeah that's true.
- Before You call a guy ugly, remember 95% of Your beauty can be removed by just a towel. Inbox me and I will explain what i meant if you don't understand. LOL
- When you were in campus you refused to date guys in campus and dated married men, when you get married you brag you can't share a man, relax ma sister I believe in payback time. "Chaqun a son tour chez le coiffeur" -- L.M MOPAO.
- Lastly my advice for you is learn to call and consult God first in every situation in life and not your neighbor.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
CAMEROONIAN GIRLS WITH THEIR ATTITUDES WHEN YOU DUMP THEM
- When you dump a girl from Mankon, she will create a scene out of it and disgrace you in
- public and in broad day light.
- When you dump a girl from Bassa, she will beat you up and make you love her again by force. Like her or not is none of her business.
- When you dump an Oku girl, she will take your name to all the native doctors of her land and ask them to frustrate you.
- When you dump a girl from Mbengwi, she will cry from January to December with your picture in her hands.
- When you dump a girl from Nkwen she won't even notice because you were probably the 30th.
- When you dump a girl from Bali, she will not bother, she will just go round and sleep with all your friends.
- When you dump a girl from Batibo, she will turn her bedroom into a beer palor and drink all kinds of beer until she gets high.
- When you dump a girl from Nkambe, in two weeks time she will invite you to her wedding.
- When you dump a girl from Bakossi, forget she seduces you father and become your step mother.
- When you dump a girl from Yaounde, she will report you to her dad who is surely in the army and you will marry her with a gun pointed on your head.
- When you dump a girl from Mamfe, she will burn all your properties and later ask for forgiveness.
- When you dump a girl from Banso,you will see her the next morning in front of your house with her elder brothers, who are surely loaded.
- When you dump a Bakweri girl will be of no use because, she had already dump you since.
- When you dump an Ewondo girl, she comes the next day and tell you she is Pregnant.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
THE PROBLEM IS!!!
- Kissing your man is not a problem. The problem is how you do it. Stop making Sounds like a car crash. Really it sucks.
- Screaming during Sex is romantic and its not a problem. The problem is Shouting words like ; " JESUS, OOH MY GOD, HOLY MARY" You are having Sex, Not a Church Service. And besides I don't know if you are reminding God to Punish you Later or something.
- Wearing short skimpy skirts is not a problem, in fact its very Sexy. The problem is wearing your Mini and looking all nice but when you see Guys,you try to Pull it down now forcing it to be long. Don't you see that you are deceiving yourself?.
- Loving your man is not a problem. The problem is Changing your Surname on Facebook and putting his surname before your name where as he has not even Introduced you to his mother. Just Chill, I would hate to read your Post Later saying " MEN ARE WICKED AND CHEATS".
- Saying all Men are the Same is not a problem. In fact, maybe its true but Who asked you to try them ALL?.
- Bleaching your skin is not a problem. The problem is having White Face, Yellow hands, Chocolate Lips, Black Legs. Hey, Are you a rainbow?
- Wearing your trousers down like the prisoners of Guantanamo is not a problem. The problem is walking as though you wear carrying a piece of crap in your pants.
- Stealing during an examination is not a problem, the problem is telling your kids that you were great at school and yet not able to write a simple hello world program.
- Wearing Brazilian hair is not a problem, the problem is the fact that you are being caught stealing one in your neighbor's room.
- Liking this is not a problem, the problem is not sharing the fun with your friends.
Friday, October 16, 2015
Interview btwn a Kenyan immigrant & d consular at d Embassy.....Interview Starts...
OFFICER:- what is your name?
MUZO:- M.P sir
MUZO:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- In full please
MUZO:- Muzo Phiri
OFFICER:- your father's name?
MUZO:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- what does that mean?
MUZO:- Melvin Phiri
OFFICER:- your native place?
MUZO: M.P sir
OFFICER:- what's that?
MUZO:- Muchinga Province
OFFICER:- what is your qualification?
MUZO:- M.P
OFFICER:- (angry) what is thaat?!!!
MUZO:- Mathematics Professor
OFFICER:- so why do you need a job?
MUZO:- it is because of M.P sir
OFFICER: meaning?
MUZO:- Money Problems
OFFICER:- would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?
MUZO: M. P sir.
OFFICER: and what is that?
MUZO:- Marvelous Personality
OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.
MUZO:- sir, how was M. P sir?
OFFICER:- and what's that again?
MUZO:- My Performance.
OFFICER:- I think u already have M. P
MUZO:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g?
OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!
Don't laugh alone. Send it to those u desire to put smile on their faces. God bless.
I have sent this to u because u are M.P. (My Padi).
MUZO:- Muzo Phiri
OFFICER:- your father's name?
MUZO:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- what does that mean?
MUZO:- Melvin Phiri
OFFICER:- your native place?
MUZO: M.P sir
OFFICER:- what's that?
MUZO:- Muchinga Province
OFFICER:- what is your qualification?
MUZO:- M.P
OFFICER:- (angry) what is thaat?!!!
MUZO:- Mathematics Professor
OFFICER:- so why do you need a job?
MUZO:- it is because of M.P sir
OFFICER: meaning?
MUZO:- Money Problems
OFFICER:- would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?
MUZO: M. P sir.
OFFICER: and what is that?
MUZO:- Marvelous Personality
OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.
MUZO:- sir, how was M. P sir?
OFFICER:- and what's that again?
MUZO:- My Performance.
OFFICER:- I think u already have M. P
MUZO:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g?
OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!
Don't laugh alone. Send it to those u desire to put smile on their faces. God bless.
I have sent this to u because u are M.P. (My Padi).
Thursday, October 15, 2015
WELCOME TO MY COUNTRY CAMEROON
- Its only in Cameroon where Jesus sends you a whats-app message and threatens you if you don't forward it to others.
- Its only in Cameroon where pastors and preachers are more funnier than comedians!
- Its only in Cameroon where one person will occupy 5 offices while others have none.
- Its only in Cameroon where tax paid on outdated cars is less than those on fashion cars.
- Its only in Cameroon where a man's wife calls him by the amount he gives her.
- Its only in Cameroon where people after withdrawing money from the Bank's ATM MACHINE, stand there to count the money again.
- Its only in Cameroon where every boy protects his sister from his friends but wants to have someone's sister.
- Its only in Cameroon where ladies wear classy heels with slipper in their bags as rescue.
- Its only in Cameroon where a blind has a driving license to drive Caterpillar "A".
- Its only in Cameroon where cassava farmers double the price of Garri and say..."the economy is hard oo"
- Its only in Cameroon where you fine out that there are more taxis than private vehicles.
- Its only in Cameroon where blind people can identify counterfeits.
- Its only in Cameroon where the youths will complain of poverty and unemployment but still stay up late at night in bars and snacks drinking out their senses.
- Its only in Cameroon where you see fathers of 80 years trying to build "house for the old" for people of 50.
- Its only in Cameroon where you fine a civil servant occupying a post in the government for more than 50 years.
- Its only in Cameroon where the youths will complain of the government but will not want to vote when the time comes.
- Its only in Cameroon where the female football team does better than the male football team.
- Its only in Cameroon where a policeman will see a goat and call it cat with all conviction.
- Its only in Cameroon where the youths want high paid jobs but are not ready to work 12 hrs a day.
- Its only in Cameroon where people will say i criticize a lot after reading this post. But I'm just saying.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
WHAT SHALL IT PROFIT -- BY FEMENCHA AZOMBO FABRICE
- What shall it profit a lady to put on the dearest Brazilian hair and yet still look ugly?
- What shall it profit a man to have enough money yet still have no girl friend?
- What shall it profit a boy/girl to break a girl/boy's heart?
- What shall it profit a girl apply makeups and yet no man looks at her on the streets?
- What shall it profit a girl to have all the Brazilian hair in the world and still loose her boy friend to a girl with low hair cut?
- What shall it profit a man to gain the whole world and loose his/soul?
Monday, October 12, 2015
PROMISE YOURSELF
To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best,and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry,too noble for anger, too strong for fear,and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best,and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry,too noble for anger, too strong for fear,and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.
TEN MOST ANNOYING MOMENTS IN LIFE
- That moment you when you are so hungry that you take out your last 100 FCFA on you to purchase and the woman selling notices that write ups had fade out and refuses to give you food.
- That moment you are well dressed in white suit and your friend comes and tap you on your shoulder after eating eru
- That moment you spend 3.5 million FCFA to organize your wedding and while on the dance floor with your newly wedded wife, people keep spraying 500 FCFA notes.
- That moment you meet a new chick on the road and on trying to give you her number, you notice that you have low battery.
- That moment you are out on date, ready to conclude that night, and after eating enough suya she tells you she is on her period.
- That moment when arm robbers burst into your home and dis-virgin(rape) your newly wedded wife you have been keeping for the past 10 years.
- That moment you did a night travel and on arriving home, you find no food to eat and everyone in the neighbor hood is sleeping.
- That moment when things are just about to get serious between you and your girl just for ENEO (SONEL autant pour moi) cease light.
- That moment when you enter an exam hall and notice that you know nothing on the paper.
- That moment in life when the girl you have been trying to get with pass by your house finally and you notice that you have no protection left. LOL.
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