WHAT A HUSBAND TOLD HIS WIFE ON THEIR WEDDING NIGHT

My wife, everyone has gone home. The music is quiet, the celebration is over. Our wedding was beautiful but it is now in the past. We have finished the wedding Ceremony, it is now time to build our marriage. All that is left now is the two of us… What we will become tomorrow, starts from tonight. Our life is no longer the same.
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There was a day you put on one red dress… You looked so beautiful in it. That Day I wanted to just touch you! We were in the Cinema and I was so tempted. I wanted to just take you outside and kiss you but I couldn’t. Guess what? Now I have you forever, I can do that everyday. Before I take off your cloth and make love to you…
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Let me tell you few things. I have nothing to hide from you from this day. My phone, you can use it like your own. You can access my facebook, my twitter and my Instagram From today, I have become a child.
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For the past five years of my life, I have been a man. I wake myself up in the morning, sometimes I go to bed hungry, I do things the way I want to. I come home whenever I want to but all that ends today. From today you become my mother, who will scold me when I come home late, a mother who will wake me up at six to go work, a mother who will ensure I don’t sleep hungry. I am glad I have a mother in you. I hope you will be a good mother? Don’t be too harsh and I promise I won’t be too stubborn.
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Sometimes I will give you headache but I promise, I will also be the cure of every headache. When my parents died, I looked after my brothers and sisters. I was like a father to them. So i will not have Any problem being a father to you!

THIRTY RULES EVERY GODLY WOMAN MUST FOLLOW.

1.  Never raise your voice for any reason to your husband. Its a sign of disrespect. (Prov 15v1)
2. Don't expose your husband's weaknesses to your family and friends. It will bounce back at you.You are each other's keeper REMEMBER.(Eph 5v12)
3. Never use attitudes and moods to communicate to your husband, you never know how your husband will interpret them. Defensive women don't have a happy home its a fact.(Prov 15v13)
4. Never compare your husband to other men, you've no idea what their life is all about. If you attack his Ego, his Love for you will diminish.
5. Never ill treat your husband's friends because you don't like them, the person who's supposed to get rid of them is your husband.(Prov 11v22)
6. Never forget that your husband married you, not your maid or anyone else. Do your duties even if it may not be easy sometimes.(Gen 2v24)
7. Never assign anyone to give attention to your husband, people may do everything else but your husband is your own responsibility.(Eph 5v33)
8. Never blame your husband if he comes back home empty handed. Rather encourage him, by that doing you give him the strength to do so next time.(Deut 3v28)
9. Never be a wasteful wife, your husband's sweat is too precious to be wasted.
10. Never pretend to be sick for the purpose of denying your husband sex. You must give it to him how he wants it. Sex is very important to Men, if you keep denying him, it is a matter of time before another woman takes over that duty. No man can withstand sex starvation for too long(even the anointed ones) (SS 7v12)
11. Never compare your husband to your one time sex mate in bedroom, or an Ex-lover. Your home may Never recover from it if you do.(SS 5v9)
12. Never answer for your husband in public opinion polls, let him handle what is directed to him although he may answer for you in public opinion polls.(Prov 31v23)
13. Never shout or challenge your husband in front of children. Wise Women don't do that.(Eph 4v31)
14. Don't forget to check the smartness of your husband before he checks out.(Prov 12v4)
15. Never allow your friends to be too close to your husband.
16. Never be in a hurry in the bathroom and on the dressing table. Out there your husband is always surrounded by women who took their time on their looks.( 1 Sam25v3)
17. Your parents or family or friends do not have the final say in your marriage. Don't waste your time looking up to them for a final word. You must Leave if you want to Cleave.(Luke 21v16)
18. Never base your love on monetary things. Will you still submit to him even if you earn more money than him?
19. Don't forget that husbands want attention and good listeners, never be too busy for him. Good communication is the bed rock of every happy home. (Gal 6v9)
20. If your idea worked better than his, never compare yourself to him. Its always teamwork.(Gal 6v10)
21. Don't be too judgmental to your husband. No man wants a Nagging wife.(Eph 4v29)
22. A lazy wife is a careless wife. She doesn't even know that her body needs a bath.(Prov 24v27)(Prov 20v13)
23. Does your husband like a kind of cooked food?, try to change your cooking. No man jokes with food. (Prov 31v14)
24. Never be too demanding to your husband,enjoy every moment, resource as it comes.(Luke 11v3)
25. Make a glass of water the very first welcome to your husband and everyone entering your home. Sweetness of attitude is true beauty. (Prov 31v11)
26. Don't associate with women who have a wrong mental attitude about marriage.(Prov 22v14)
27. Your marriage is as valuable to you as the value that you give it. Recklessness is unacceptable.(Heb 13v4)
28. Fruit of the womb is a blessing from the Lord, love your children and teach them well.(Prov 22v6)
29. You are never too old to influence your home. Never reduce your care for your family for any reason. (Prov 31v28)
30. A prayerful wife is a better equipped wife,pray always for your husband and family(1 Thess 5v17)

LIFE SAVING MORALS

1. No matter how beautiful or handsome you are, just know that baboon and gorillas also attract tourist,
   Lesson: Stop boasting
2. No matter how big and tall you are, just remember that you will not carry your self to your grave.
   Lesson: Be humble
3. No matter how tall you are, just remember that you cannot see tomorrow
   lesson: Be patient.
4. No matter how light and skinny you are, just remember that you will always need light in darkness
   Lesson: Take caution.
5. No matter how rich and many cars you have, just remember that you will always walk to a bed
   Lesson: Be contented.

LESSON: TAKE LIFE EASY.

The King is Coming

Celebration of the Feast of Christ the King.

WHAT A FATHER TOLD HIS DAUGHTER A DAY BEFORE HER WEDDING

1. My Daughter, tomorrow you will stop bearing my name. You will be happily married to the man you love. Don't miss me because I have fulfilled my purpose, it is now time for you to start fulfilling yours. 
2. From your childhood, I have raised you well by the grace of God but before you say I do, there are few things I need to tell you about living with a man and being married.

• Do you remember when you wrote your GCE O/L and GCE A/L exams? You came to me and I gave you 20,000 FCFA for the registration? Well, even though I gave it to you, the money was not mine. I know you always thought I paid the fees. The truth is, I was broke… but your mother gave me the money. She could have given it to you but she decided to give it to me to give to you.
• Support your husband. Some times things will get tough… he will be frustrated. Even though he acts tough, in his mind he has fears… he fear you may not value him anymore because he has fallen. That is the time to get behind him and support him!
• The best way to show your husband you love him is to respect him! You may argue with him, you may disagree but at the end of the day, let him know he has your respect.
• Do you remember the day I screamed at your mother? What did she do? She was quiet! Do you also remember the day she screamed at me? What did I do? I was quiet! My daughter learn to be quiet sometimes when your husband is angry. When one person is hot, the other should be cool. If two are always screaming at same time, that is how big problems start in marriage. The first thing to know about your husband is his favourite food! If he has more than one then keep them at the back of your mind. Dont let him ask for it, always prepare it for him.
• There was a day your mother caught me touching a woman’s hand affectionately. I was lust after that woman but I was not yet cheating on your mum. When she saw us… she didnt fight the lady, she quietly left. I was afraid of going home because all hell will break lose. But when I got home she said nothing. She served me my food. Guilt was taking control over me. I started begging. From that day, I never looked at a woman two time. Who knows? If she had fought and threatened me… maybe I could have run away from the fight into the arms of the lady. Sometimes Silent brings better solution than fight.
• Forget those romantic novels you read while you were 21. Remember those Indian and American love movies? Also remember those too sweet Nollywood films on African magic? Forget them! Don’t expect your married life to be that way. Life is different from fiction
• The last thing I want to tell you…. Do you remember how you were born? After our wedding, things were tough and your mum had to do two jobs to support us. I was working as well. I get home 6 PM while she gets home 8pm tired. But when we get to bed… she will not refuse me my night food. That is how you were born. Dont form a habit of denying your husband of his night food.
• Be a good wife. You will always be Daddy’s girl…

P.S. LOVE.

WORDS FROM A MOTHER TO HER DAUGHTER ABOUT MARRIAGE (LADIES LEARN)

1. The wife that wins all arguments with her husband is not wise. The home is not a law court. So please learn to leave your husband to win sometimes. Its called fair play.
   
2. The wife that uses sex as a weapon in the home - placing embargo, going to bed in jeans shorts and trousers -lacks wisdom.
   
3. The wife that uses the modern trends and laws of "women's rights" to insult or ridicule her husband simply makes a fool of herself. She has no idea of what she is doing.
   
4. A woman that makes her home void of peace through bickering, nagging and quarrels needs help. A man should be eager to run away from office to be at home, for that should be the safest and closest place on earth for him. Not the other way round.
   
5. Modern-day equality in marriage does not mean competition, It simply means partnership. Taking advantage of such equality to turn around and become the defacto head of the home and oppress the man is tantamount to playing with fire. If you destroy your home, soon you will be the boss of an empty home. Just saying
   
6. A wise wife makes the man feel so good that he assumes that he is the head. Once he gets that feeling, the woman gently wields her power and the head actually turns to wherever the neck wants without a protest.
   
7.  A wife that does not pull herself away from friends' influence and advice or even from the control of her mother and father will have herself to blame sooner or later.
   
8. When a man is looking for a wife, he bypasses women of different shapes and sizes to choose a wife But soon after childbirth, many women hide under the excuse of childbirth to let go of themselves. Many stop bothering about their looks,shape, dressing, etc.Within 5 years of marriage, people start wondering if the wife is the man's aunt, even though she is 7 years younger. Her defence is that if he truly loves her, he should love her the way she is but when looking for a wife, he saw people like the present YOU and ignored them and settled for the former YOU. Today, you go to bed smelling of onions.... You go to bed wearing...

LADIES BEWARE

1. Success is not sexually transmitted, so stop sleeping with successful men, thinking that you will be successful. It doesn't work that way. So stop and work hard.
2. Please do not wear the same weave for nine months, its not pregnancy, for goodness sake.
3. Half naked girls are hot, yeah definitely, but well dressed girls are beautiful, just like hell is hot and heaven is beautiful. Just saying ohh.
4. Stop saying you cannot date a man who lives with his mother yet your dating a man who lives with his wife. It doesn't make sense really!!!
5. Do not look at what a guy drives but what drives him. Definitely what drives him is better that what he drives right?. Yeah that's true.
6. Before You call a guy ugly, remember 95% of Your beauty can be removed by just a towel. Inbox me and I will explain what i meant if you don't understand. LOL
7. When you were in campus you refused to date guys in campus and dated married men, when you get married you brag you can't share a man, relax ma sister I believe in payback time. "Chaqun a son tour chez le coiffeur" -- L.M MOPAO.
8. Lastly my advice for you is learn to call and consult God first in every situation in life and not your neighbor.

Like, comment, share and follow my blog for more. :-)

CAMEROONIAN GIRLS WITH THEIR ATTITUDES WHEN YOU DUMP THEM

1. When you dump a  girl from Mankon, she will create a scene out of it and disgrace you in 
2.  public and in broad day light.
3. When you dump a girl from Bassa, she will beat you up and make you love her again by force. Like her or not is none of her business.
4. When you dump an Oku girl, she will take your name to all the native doctors of her land and ask them to frustrate you.
5. When you dump a girl from Mbengwi, she will cry from January to December with your picture in her hands.
6. When you dump a girl from Nkwen she won't even notice because you were probably the 30th.
7. When you dump a girl from Bali, she will not bother, she will just go round and sleep with all your friends.
8. When you dump a girl from Batibo, she will turn her bedroom into a beer palor and drink all kinds of beer until she gets high.
9. When you dump a girl from Nkambe, in two weeks time she will invite you to her wedding.
10. When you dump a girl from Bakossi, forget she seduces you father and become your step mother.
11. When you dump a girl from Yaounde, she will report you to her dad who is surely in the army and you will marry her with a gun pointed on your head.
12. When you dump a girl from Mamfe, she will burn all your properties and later ask for forgiveness.
13. When you dump a girl from Banso,you will see her the next morning in front of your house with her elder brothers, who are surely loaded.
14. When you dump a Bakweri girl will be of no use because, she had already dump you since.
15. When you dump an Ewondo girl, she comes the next day and tell you she is Pregnant.

THE PROBLEM IS!!!

1. Kissing your man is not a problem. The problem is how you do it. Stop making Sounds like a car crash. Really it sucks.
   
2. Screaming during Sex is romantic and its not a problem. The problem is Shouting words like ; " JESUS, OOH MY GOD, HOLY MARY" You are having Sex, Not a Church Service. And besides I don't know if you are reminding God to Punish you Later or something.
   
3. Wearing short skimpy skirts is not a problem, in fact its very Sexy. The problem is wearing your Mini and looking all nice but when you see Guys,you try to Pull it down now forcing it to be long. Don't you see that you are deceiving yourself?.
   
4. Loving your man is not a problem. The problem is Changing your Surname on Facebook and putting his surname before your name where as he has not even Introduced you to his mother. Just Chill, I would hate to read your Post Later saying " MEN ARE WICKED AND CHEATS".
   
5. Saying all Men are the Same is not a problem. In fact, maybe its true but Who asked you to try them ALL?.
   
6. Bleaching your skin is not a problem. The problem is having White Face, Yellow hands, Chocolate Lips, Black Legs. Hey, Are you a rainbow?
   
7. Wearing your trousers down like the prisoners of Guantanamo is not a problem. The problem is walking as though you wear carrying a piece of crap in your pants.
   
8. Stealing during an examination is not a problem, the problem is telling your kids that you were great at school and yet not able to write a simple hello world program.
   
9. Wearing Brazilian hair is not a problem, the problem is the fact that you are being caught stealing one in your neighbor's room.
   
10. Liking this is not a problem, the problem is not sharing the fun with your friends.

Interview btwn a Kenyan immigrant & d consular at d Embassy.....Interview Starts...

OFFICER:- what is your name?
MUZO:- M.P sir

OFFICER:- In full please
MUZO:- Muzo Phiri
OFFICER:- your father's name?
MUZO:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- what does that mean?
MUZO:- Melvin Phiri
OFFICER:- your native place?
MUZO: M.P sir
OFFICER:- what's that?
MUZO:- Muchinga Province
OFFICER:- what is your qualification?
MUZO:- M.P
OFFICER:- (angry) what is thaat?!!!
MUZO:- Mathematics Professor
OFFICER:- so why do you need a job?
MUZO:- it is because of M.P sir
OFFICER: meaning?
MUZO:- Money Problems
OFFICER:- would you explain yourself and stop wasting my time? What's your personality like?
MUZO: M. P sir.
OFFICER: and what is that?
MUZO:- Marvelous Personality
OFFICER:- I see... I will get back to you.
MUZO:- sir, how was M. P sir?
OFFICER:- and what's that again?
MUZO:- My Performance.
OFFICER:- I think u already have M. P
MUZO:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g?
OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!
Don't laugh alone. Send it to those u desire to put smile on their faces. God bless.
I have sent this to u because u are M.P. (My Padi).

WELCOME TO MY COUNTRY CAMEROON

1. Its only in Cameroon where Jesus sends you a whats-app message and threatens you if you don't forward it to others.
2. Its only in Cameroon where pastors and preachers are more funnier than comedians!
3. Its only in Cameroon where one person will occupy 5 offices while others have none.
4. Its only in Cameroon where tax paid on outdated cars is less than those on fashion cars.
5. Its only in Cameroon where a man's wife calls him by the amount he gives her.
6. Its only in Cameroon where people after withdrawing money from the Bank's ATM MACHINE, stand there to count the money again.
7. Its only in Cameroon where every boy protects his sister from his friends but wants to have someone's sister.
8. Its only in Cameroon where ladies wear classy heels with slipper in their bags as rescue.
9. Its only in Cameroon where a blind has a driving license to drive Caterpillar "A".
10. Its only in Cameroon where cassava farmers double the price of Garri and say..."the economy is hard oo"
11. Its only in Cameroon where you fine out that there are more taxis than private vehicles.
12. Its only in Cameroon where blind people can identify counterfeits.
13. Its only in Cameroon where the youths will complain of poverty and unemployment but still stay up late at night in bars and snacks drinking out their senses.
14. Its only in Cameroon where you see fathers of 80 years trying to build "house for the old" for people of 50.
15. Its only in Cameroon where you fine a civil servant occupying a post in the government for more than 50 years.
16. Its only in Cameroon where the youths will complain of the government but will not want to vote when the time comes.
17. Its only in Cameroon where the female football team does better than the male football team.
18.  Its only in Cameroon where a policeman will see a goat and call it cat with all conviction.
19. Its only in Cameroon where the youths want high paid jobs but are not ready to work 12 hrs a day.
20. Its only in Cameroon where people will say i criticize a lot after reading this post. But I'm just saying.

WHAT SHALL IT PROFIT -- BY FEMENCHA AZOMBO FABRICE

1. What shall it  profit a lady to put on the dearest Brazilian hair and yet still look ugly?
2. What shall it profit a man to have enough money yet still have no girl friend?
3. What shall it profit a boy/girl to break a girl/boy's heart?
4. What shall it profit a girl apply makeups and yet no man looks at her on the streets?
5. What shall it profit a girl to have all the Brazilian hair in the world and still loose her boy friend to a girl with low hair cut?
6. What shall it profit a man to gain the whole world and loose his/soul?

PROMISE YOURSELF

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry,too noble for anger, too strong for fear,and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

TEN MOST ANNOYING MOMENTS IN LIFE

1. That moment you when you are so hungry that you take out your last 100 FCFA on you to purchase and the woman selling notices that write ups had fade out and refuses to give you food.
   
2. That moment you are well dressed in white suit and your friend comes and tap you on your shoulder after eating eru
   
3. That moment you spend 3.5 million FCFA to organize your wedding and while on the dance floor with your newly wedded wife, people keep spraying 500 FCFA notes.
   
4. That moment you meet a new chick on the road and on trying to give you her number, you notice that you have low battery.
   
5. That moment you are out on  date, ready to conclude that night, and after eating enough suya she tells you she is on her period.
   
6. That moment when arm robbers burst into your home and dis-virgin(rape) your newly wedded wife you have been keeping for the past 10 years.
   
7. That moment  you did a night travel and on arriving home, you find no food to eat and everyone in the neighbor hood is sleeping.
   
8. That moment when things are just about to get serious between you and your girl just for ENEO (SONEL autant pour moi) cease light.
   
9. That moment when you enter an exam hall and notice that you know nothing on the paper.
   
10. That moment in life when the girl you have been trying to get with pass by your house finally and you notice that you have no protection left. LOL.

SOME LIES PEOPLE SOMETIMES BELIEVE IN

1. When one of your eye start shaking they say your going to cry or see some one u haven't seen 4 a long time. Poor health condition seek medical attention.
   
2.  When walking and you kick one of your toe they say it good or bad lock. U were moving with your eyes closed be focused.
   
3.  When eating and you bite your lips they say someone is calling your name. Stop fighting with the food it won't run eat gently no one is calling your name. Call the name of the person standing next to you then ask if he or she her bit her lips .
   
4.  Every time you brush your  teeth and see blood stop thinking it's because u brush it well its because you haven't brush it for the past one or two days. Brush after meals.
   
5.  When the rain is falling heavily don't take your food and throw to the rain thinking it will cut. Just follow the news for your whether conditions. Stop blaming your great grand fathers allow their soul to RIP, the are not going to eat the food your throw.
   
6. When drinking your palm wine or beer as the case maybe, don't throw some on the grown saying "This one is for the ancestors". Frankly, the ancestors are dead and where there are, there don't need wine or beer. Stop wasting your beer.
   
7. When your have a dream about someone at night and u wake up and say "how could this person be in my dream?". It's because through out the day your have been thinking about that person and don't blame anyone it's all your thoughts.
   
8.  For the girls when u get pregnant stop using the phrase " he got me pregnant"  you got yourself pregnant you were not raped, so don't blame him. You did open your legs and scream nicely like uhhh oh. Yes you did, don't even deny it.
   
9. When you get married don't take your husband's name it's not a must what a man can do a woman can do more better. Haha . smiling.
   
10. When you undressed each other to have sex also dress up each other. it is more moralistic than undressing each other. Try to show some manners, where you born in the house, train in the forest?.
    
11. When you have sex in your dream don't blame the poor devil. You wish u had one during the day. The devil is not always responsible for your "evil" deeds, you are sometimes.

Some Usefull African Proverbs

1. He who says nothing last forever has never tried Hausa perfume - Isaac Jaymiah (1904).
   
2. He who fully unwraps a sharwama completely before eating it cannot keep a secret - Abraham Lincoln (1864).
   
3. Any man that uses his teeth to cut shaki from pepper-soup with his eyes wide open is not afraid of anything - Martin Luther King Jnr (1900).
   
4. Anyone who thinks he has many enemies has never been with a mountain of fire member - William Shakespeare (1788).
   
5. Anyone who graduated without experiencing strike probably has never been to Nigeria - Lord Lugard (1904).
   
6. He who ask for stew on top of jollof rice has trust issues  -Alexander the III (1709).
   
7. He who refuses to classify Agege bread n Akara as a type of sandwich is a racist - President Mugabe (1931).
   
8. Anyone that can kill a chicken by cutting its throat without feeling sorry for it is capable of joining Boko Haram – President Mouhamadou Buhari (2012)
   
9. Anyone that says money cannot buy happiness is probably a poor man – Aliko Dangote (2014).
   
10. Anyone that can dry shit, without squeezing his face is worst than me – Aboubakar shekau (1994).
    
11. Any man who drinks palm wine without squeezing his face,is capable of murder....obasanjo(1999).
    
12. Drinking Garri doesn't mean you're poor, but allowing the garri to swell-up before drinking is Poverty - Queen Elisabeth (1893).
    
13. Any man that dates a girl with big boobs and doesn’t squeeze it can surely be trusted with money – Femencha Azombo Fabrice(1980).
    
14. He who runs around looking for scissors to cut Prudence Plus condom not yet hungry- Sir Dr Nnamdi Azikiwe (1947).
    
15. No mata how hot your temper is, it cannot even boil a coco leaf. -Issa Tchiroma (2013).
    
16. Any toilet wey clean never jam correct shit -Bola Tinubu (2011) .
    
17. Any woman that claims all men are dogs should be awarded a medal for perseverance. She had the power to take it doggy with all men -- Suzy Brown (2015).
    
18. The woman that will tell me she is on her period after eating my suya, shawarma, beer and pizza has never met a Bamileke man – Tcheutchoua Steve (2015).
    
19. Anyone that didn’t cut grass while in primary school was definitely born after Paul Biya Junior -- Femencha Azombo Fabrice (2013).
    
20. Only a courageous woman can fry a bunch of plantain (dodo) without tasting any – Chantal Biya (1872).

I HOPE -- BY FEMENCHA AZOMBO FABRICE.

1. That all those who use to steal my bread my mum always puts in my bag in primary school have succeeded in stealing from the world bank.
   
2. That that head boy who use to threaten me to give him my long break money else he will write my name on the list of noise makers is now a senior head boy (governor).
   
3. That those boys who use to use my legs as "petit goal" just because I had curve legs are now playing in real Madrid and Barcelona.
   
4. That those my mates who always refuse to give me double sheet to write a test or an exam are still using the book now!
   
5. That those my mates who refuse to give me their note books to copy notes when I was late for a class are owning real notebooks from Microsoft and Macintosh.
   
6. That all those who refuse to give me one pen each time I asked "class who have 2 pens please" though there had 2 but refused to give me one are signing million dollar contracts with those pens.
   
7. That all those elders in school who use to tax me on my belongings are now working in the tax office.
   
8. That all those people whom during examination refuse to open their paper for me to see an answer are now working in the CONAC (Commission Nationale Anti Corruption).
   
9. That Those girls in primary school who use to refuse to be my girlfriends (after eating my bread on long break , oh Lord have mercy) just because I was not the head boy are now married to or dating ministers and governors.
   
10. That all those girls who rejected or maltreated me(in a relationship) are now in save and secure relationships.

God bless you all because you all made me who I am today ( a wiser version of me).

WHAT BOKO-HARAM GO MAKE US DO

Dem say Boko Haram don poison beans after I buy half bag for house. From the one wey I cook, I give my dog, Bingo, make im first test am. 45mins later, bingo still dey waka, dey jolly. Na im I
come chop my own. After I don chop finish, my gateman run come tel me say bingo don die, hey! I run enter house, begin drink full gallon of palm oil for my belle, chop 22 bitter kola wit 3 long bitter
leaf stem, chop walnuts with the shell no time to crack, swallow moringa with aloe vera as treatment
combo. Garlic and onions be like sweet for my mouth. I come dey sweat as if na oven be my bedroom. I dey think say my life don finish. I come outside. Na im gate man com they
tell me say the driver wey kill bingo wan come beg me! 

If na u, wetin u go do the gate man???

THE STORY OF THE WOMAN WITH THREE HAIRS ON HER HEAD

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "H-M-M, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail." So she did and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head....
"YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Reflection Questions for you to answer (By commenting).

1. List three things in your life that are currently troubling you, then pick one of them. What are 2 ways in which there might be able to positively view the situation you chose?.
   
2. The purpose of this story is to try to show us how we can maintain a positive perspective when bad things happen. If you've already answered reflection question #1, you've found how this is true in your own life as well. What is at least one other important message in this story?.
   
3. From question #1, take one of the two remaining situations that are troubling you. What are some humorous ways that somebody might be able to look at those situations to help ease a bit of the tension?

I hope you've enjoyed this story! Have a delightful day :)

P.S: share your thoughts and reflections.

TOTO AND HIS FUNNY STORIES

1. TOTO AND HIS WIFE 

Wife: Honey I'm out of pants can you give me money to buy some??
Toto: Don't bother i will get you some on my way back from work.
Wife: ok.

[ 8 hrs later,]

Toto: Honey here are the pants i got for you. There are you size.

Wife: But Honey there are the same color, People will start to think that have  I    just 1 pant. [Wife gets angry]

Toto: Who will think you have just 1 pant??? How will there get to know.

Wife: [silent].

2. SMS BETWEEN TOTO AND WIFE

Wife: Honey, this is my last sms, can you send me some airtime so i can renew my sms???

Toto: Ok Baby, off course I will.

Wife: Thank you honey, thats why i love you so much.

[After a short while]

Toto: Have you received the airtime??

Wife: No it has not yet come.

Toto:Have you checked your account.??
Wife: Yes I did but Nothing.

Toto: Ok wait I will resend it.

Wife: OK.

[After a short while]

Toto: Has it come??

Wife: Still Nothing!!

Toto: Are you sure???
Wife: Weh i just checked just now and yet still nothing!!
Toto: And you said it was your last SMS?? I was lying, i dint send anything.

3. TOTO AND HIS BANK

Toto had a dream in which he was rubbed and killed just after when he cashed some money from his bank. Early the next morning, he rushed to the bank and empty closed his account after he had withdrawn all his money. His friend asked him why he did that and Toto replied The motto of that bank is <<WE MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE>>

10 STUPID QUESTIONS PEOPLE ASK

1.  You see identical twins, yet you still ask " are those identical twins??" -- Answer "No Na film you di watch. You Blind??".
   
2. SONEL/ENEO brings back light after a long while and everyone in the quarter starts screaming 'Wehhhhhhh light don came!!' and yet one stupid guy still ask "O boy na light dat so??" -- Answer "No na fire di burn the whole quarter. You Yam".
   
3. You see someone vomiting and yet you ask "You are not feeling fine??" -- Answer "Yes I'm feeling fine, I'm just learning how to vomit. Idiot".
   
4. You  just wake up from sleep and your brother/sister/others after noticing that you were sleeping still ask "You don wakeup???" Answer "No i came buy bread weh a go chop for dream. Tshuiiiiip".
   
5. You see a woman who just put to birth a new born baby and yet you still ask "ehhh Madam you don Born???" -- Answer "No A winnam for pari foot. You carry witch come??".
   
6. You see you mum early in the morning and you greet her good morning but she still ask "My son you don wakeup???" --  Answer "No mum, I'm just sleep walking, You to ohhhh".
   
7. My friend ask me "A sah ehh boy you deh which conner??" A tell yi say " a deh Money Gram down molyko" and yet as stupid as he is he asked me "you di do weti for deh???" --- Answer "A came harvest Yam. Non sense."
   
8. Your neighbor sees you opening the gate to go out and yet ask you "You do comot???" -- Answer "NO a be the new gate man *LMAO*" .
   
9. I'm watching my movie and my friend still comes in and ask "Boy you di watch film???" --- Answer "No a di Skype with  Vin Diesel".
   
10. You are eating plantains and beans and you friend comes in and ask "Boy na beans that so???" -- Answer "No na shit for goat. Na who di sep???".

The Cycle of Evil

There was once a king who was so cruel and unjust that his subjects yearned for his death or dethronement. However, one day he surprised them all by announcing that he had decided to turn over a new leaf.

“No more cruelty, no more injustice,” he promised, and he was as good as his word. He became known as the ‘Gentle Monarch’. Months after his transformation one of his ministers plucked up enough courage to ask him what had brought about his change of heart.

And the king answered, “As I was galloping through my forests I caught sight of a fox being chased by a hound. The fox escaped into his hole but not before the hound had bitten into its leg and lamed it for life. Later I rode into a village and saw the same hound there. It was barking at a man. Even as I watched, the man picked up a huge stone and flung it at the dog, breaking its leg. The man had not gone far when he was kicked by a horse. His knee was shattered and he fell to the ground, disabled for life. The horse began to run but it fell into a hole and broke its leg. Reflecting on all that had happened, I thought: ‘Evil begets evil. If I continue in my evil ways, I will surely be overtaken by evil’. So I decided to change”.

The minister went away convinced that the time was ripe to overthrow the king and seize the throne. Immersed in thought, he did not see the steps in front of him and fell, breaking his neck.

Moral: Cycle of Deeds always gives us back what we give to others. If we do good to others, our good will happen, If we do bad to others, our turn will also come.

The Couples Bed Code(Just for fun). :-)

• Article 1: The bed being a sacred place, a woman must never turn your back on her man when there are both in bed.
• Article 2: In bed, the woman shall never throw the arm, nor the feet of her man if the arm or feet of the later happens to come in contact with her.
• Article 3: If the woman is angry during the day, Article 1 shall apply at night .
• Article 4: The woman shall not ware any night ware before sleep(It is not necessary) : if she wares any, then she cannot ware any pants nor bra(She must reduce the number of steps needed to get to Jerusalem).
• Article 5: If the man is sleeping too much at night, the woman must cough hard enough to wake him up: if he does not wake up, then she has the obligation to him under his pants until it hurts enough for him to wake up and perform his duty: If the man does not get up after 3 hits, then Article 4 MAY apply.
• Article  6: When the woman is tired due to excessive work during the day, then the man must do her a massage in bed with love, softness, gentleness, dexterity and tenderness and this activity must end by an absolute moment of silence. If the man does not comply, then Article 1 shall not apply.
• Article 7: While in bed, the couples must resolve all their problems and divergences with love and respect before sunrise: If one night is not enough, them Article 1 shall not apply, Article 2 shall not apply, Article 3 shall not apply, but Article 4 shall apply for that night, until the all problems are solved in a peaceful and pacific manner(NO Third party maybe involved).
• Article 8: At 4H35Min in the morning, each person must wake up and do his or her usual chores: failure to do so will result to a fine the next night(Article 2 shall not apply).
• Article 9: The bed is referred as the "THE GARDEN OF EDEN" where each party must perform his or her responsibility at least 7 times a week(Meaning at least once a day).
• Article 10: If the kickoff is difficult, then the woman must use tools(like hands maybe) and ingenious techniques to favor a good and peaceful  atmosphere necessary for harmony.
• Article 11: All the above mentioned ARTICLES are applicable to all type of couples, married or unmarried without any age distinction. Parties whose rights are been may bring forth the case in front of the high judge(Me) for judgement.

TEN DIFFERENCES BETWEEN CHRISTIANO RONALDO AND LIONEL MESSI

1. When RONALDO scores he points at himself. When MESSI scores he points up.
2. RONALDO will use 5 tricks to beat 1 player. MESSI will use 1 trick to beat 5 players.
3. RONALDO is compared to MESSI.. While MESSI is compared to Pele and Maradona.
4.  RONALDO shoots where MESSI would have passed to better a positioned player.
5. RONALDO is hungry for individual success, MESSI plays for the success of the team as a whole.
6. Girls like RONALDO for his Good Looks, Girls like MESSI for his Good Game.
7. RONALDO scores goals, MESSI Breaks Records.
8. RONALDO plays because he loves fame, MESSI plays because he loves the game.
9. RONALDO will make your DAY! MESSI will make your HISTORY!
10. RONALDO is Good, but MESSI is the best.

Life is Like A Cup of Coffee

                    

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups – porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite – telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: “If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups… And then you began eyeing each other’s cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee. Savor the coffee, not the cups! The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.and Never Forget that "LIVE IS LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE".

Some Stupid Things People Sometimes Do

Some Stupid things people sometimes do

1. You got a babe's number and you use "chick" to store her name in your phone, is her mum a fowl?? -- Nonsense!!
2. You bought roasted fish for your woman, she ate everything and you ate just the onions and licked the pepper, are you a veterinarian?? -- You Goat!!
3. You ask a girl what she wants, she said money and you're angry. Where you expecting her to say wisdom and understanding?? -- You no normal!!!
4. You are with your guy on  date, and yet you're
   always on the phone discussing, are you and MTN customer care agent?? -- Na weti sef!!!!
5. You take you're girl friend to the club everyday, then you get married to her and you want her to stop going to the club. Where you expecting a miracle?? -- Hah!!!
6. Your girl friend dumps you for a rich man and you call her gold digger, but your sister did the same to another guy and you give a testimony in church "Na God di won ohhh!!!". Are you normal?? -- Make thunder no fire you, ewu!!!
7. You meet a girl on the street and you want to date her. You take her to the top flour of Eco-Bank in Molyko where an ice-cream cost 5000frs for about a week. Then later you want to take her to Bonga Juice where an Ice cream cost just 500frs, when runs, because your broke u get angry. Tu pense que tu est venir a molyko pour fait le beau?? -- Kala Kala!!!
8. You are dating a Student, and yet you keep asking him for money:"Baby i want to do my hair, Baby i want to buy perfume, Baby my father had an accident, Baby . . . Is his father Dangote??? -- Wonders

Some Crazy Questions People Sometimes Ask

**Some crazy questions people sometimes ask**

1. Someone calls you at 2A.M (past Mid-night) and ask you "Are you Sleeping??"
   
   Answer: No I'm picking beans to cook corn shafts . . . Nonsense!
   
2. Its raining and someone notices you going out, yet ask "You are going out in  this rain??"
   
   Answer:  No in the next one . . .Rubbish!
   
3. You're Making out with a girl, you finish touching her breast and now going down to touch her pants she ask "What are you trying to do . . .??
   
   Answer: Sorry baby, i want to wash them for you . . .  Idiot!
   
4. They are seeing you coming out of the bathroom, wet and yet they ask you "Did you just have a bath??
   
   Answer: No I well into the toilet bowl! . . .Na yi wet me!
   
5. You are standing right in front of an elevator on the ground floor going to your office, and yet they ask "going up?"
   
   Answer: No I'm waiting for my office to come down and get me . . . Bad luck man!


6.  Your boyfriend comes home with a bunch of flowers and you still ask him "Are those flowers??"
   
   Answer: No baby, there are carrots . . . Dull thing!!


7. You are in the toilet and you lock the door, someone knocks the door asking "Is anyone there??"
   
   Answer: No na the shit come lock the door . . . You fool!
   
8. You are in a queue at the cinema to buy tickets, yet a friend sees you and ask "What are you doing here??"
   
   Answer: I'm here to pay my school fees . . . Ewu!
   
9. People see you lying down with your eyes close, and yet they still ask "Are you sleeping?"
   
   Answer: No I'm learning how to die . . . You Juju!
   
10. You are watching a movie and someone asks you " You di watch film?"
    
    Answer: No a di practice witchcraft . . . you yam!
    
11. There see you coming home in the afternoon(Normal school closing time) in uniforms and yet they still ask you "You coming back from school?"
    
    Answer: No I'm coming back from the market . . . Na weti sef!
    

Story of the Child and His Mother

Story of the Child and His Mother

A curios child asked His mother "Mummy, why are some of you hairs turning grey?"

The mother tried to use this occassion to teach her child. She said, "It is because of you dear. Every bad action of you will turn one of my hairs grey!"

The child replied innocently: "Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head".

Question : Why did the grandmother had only grey hair on her head??? 
:-)